The shadow self can be discovered by using a few simple strategies. By noticing habits and behaviors, the darker side of psyche can be brought more into balance.
There are at least five successful ways to locate the shadow in oneself according to William A. Miller in his essay, "Finding the Shadow in Daily LIfe." These include:
1. Asking for feedback from others
2. Becoming aware of one's own projections
3. Paying attention to one's own "slips of tongue"
4. Paying attention to what one finds humorous
5. Studying dreams, daydreams and fantasies
Asking for feedback from others
It is mostly impossible to see oneself clearly so getting feedback from other people can be terribly enlightening. It is best to do this with people one trusts and knows well. However, this still may not be a positive experience. When someone exposes a flaw that sounds totally wrong or misguided, strong denial is a common response. Yet, chances are here lies a piece of valuable information. Seeking out a second opinion is a useful way to proceed.
Becoming aware of ones own projections
Whenever one sees another in either strongly disagreeable or strongly agreeable ways, chances are a projection has been engaged. By paying attention to this phenomenon of projection onto others, more information about oneself can be gained.
Examples of this may include things like perceiving another person as arrogant and being very agitated by this arrogance. Chances are arrogance is also in oneself which makes seeing it in others particularly revealing.
Conversely, when one is full of praise and adulation for another person’s qualities one might also experience envy of this other person. More than likely, these same qualities lie dormant and yet unactivated in oneself. To relieve this situation, one might begin to cultivate that part of oneself.
Paying attention to one's own slips of tongue
People expose shadow material in what is said accidentally. In these instances there can be often embarrassment and confusion because what has “slipped out” is in such contrast to one's self image. By paying attention to these accidental slips, one starts to uncover a little of what goes on behind the conscious mind. The results can be humorous as well as a little embarrassing.
Miller sites an example of a 60-year-old woman who tells her friend she is going to modeling school. The friend wants to congratulate her but secretly finds this a very far fetched idea. Her congratulatory remark exposes her true opinion: “I’m sure you will be an outstanding "muddle.”
Paying Attention to Humorous Outbreaks
Often people reveal more of themselves than they would like in what they find funny. Jokes that involve slurs against ethnic or religious groups is a prime example. The joke can expose an unsubtle prejudice and lack of tolerance for others. Even though the person might deny this, the underside of the personality, the shadow side, has been uncovered in that moment.
Whether a person falls into sarcastic humor, dirty jokes and bawdy humor, cruel or dumb humor, this sort of joking always reveals more about that person than he or she would probably like others to know.
Studying ones own dreams, daydreams and fantasies
Dreams are among the surest way to uncover shadow material. Because of their complexity, one must spentd some time, preferably with a dream expert, dissecting these dreams to see the undercurrents of shadow which is where the true feelings or dark material lie. Just because one has an unflatteringly dream of another person, the objectionable qualities more often than not reveal shadow qualities of the dreamer. In much the same way projection works, who and what one dreams about always has as much if not more to do with he dreamer than the person being dreamed about.
Reference:
Miller, William A. "Finding the Shadow in Daily Life". In J. Abrams and C. Zweig (Eds). Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature (pp 38-44). New York: St. Martin’s Press.
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Megge Hill Fitz-Randolph - Megge Fitz-Randolph is a poet, teacher, and student of Carl Jung and mythology. Her poems have appeared in various journals including ...