I like these descriptions and definitions of shadow-work or men’s work. What do you think of them?
The meetings will provide an opportunity for the following:
· A coming together of men from different walks of life that share the burdens and blessings of being men.
· Learning how to be in the world in a different way that is based in the moment and that allows a wider range of responses.
· Learning how to share the deeper parts of ourselves with other men without shame or guilt.
· Learning how to clarify and state our wants and needs as men.
· Opening to the possibilities of life versus miming the social and familial roles and rules assigned to us as male children, adolescents or adults.
Core Values of Present-Centered Groups
Adapted from Joseph Zinker
We value the following group behaviors:
· Address yourself to a specific person (try not to speak into an empty space in the middle of the room). Make eye contact if possible.
· If you speak to someone, look at him/her and try to use the person’s name.
· Attend to and express what you experienced here and now.
· Attend to your physical experience of the situation and learn to observe and respond to other people’s body language.
· Make an effort to be direct with others (i.e., don’t speak about Jack to Mary; address yourself directly to Jack.
· Respect each other’s needs, individual boundaries, space, privacy; at the same time, learn how to nudge each other into growthful action.
· When other people are in the middle of their work, do not intrude; bracket off your feelings and/or actions for the time being. (After all, this is what we often need to do in the real world; it does not mean, of course, that you should be a passive, compliant observer).
· Use your observations, responses and feelings to enhance ownership of your feelings and observations. Describe your reaction, instead of prescribe what the other person should do.
· Speak in the first person: First person statements enhance ownership of your feelings and observations; e.g. “I” statements instead of “you” statements
· Convert your questions into statements; often questions are safe ways of not owning feelings: “Mary, did you feel that was fair to do to Bill?” may mean, “Mary, I feel you are cruel!”
· Avoid giving advice; it is easily ignored and often mobilizes resistance. Instead, support the person to become his or her own internal authority.
· Achieve a balance between your words and actions:
o Act instead of over-philosophizing, especially if you tend to ramble;
o on the other hand, learn to verbalize and explain yourself if you tend to constantly act out.
Goals & Aspirations
Adapted from Joseph Zinker
Each of us:
· moves toward greater awareness of himself—his body, his feelings, his environment;
· learns to take ownership of his experience, rather than projecting them on to other;
· learns to be aware of his needs and to develop skills to satisfy himself without violating others;
· moves toward a fuller contact with his sensations, learning to smell, touch, hear, and see—to savor all aspects of himself;
· moves toward the experience of his power and the ability to support himself, rather than relying on whining, blaming or guilt-making in order to mobilize support from the environment;
· becomes sensitive to his surroundings, yet at the same time wears a coat of armor for situations which are potentially destructive or poisonous; learns to take responsibility for his actions and their consequences;
· feels comfortable with the awareness of his fantasy life and its expression.
Group Goals
Adapted from Joseph Zinker
In Gestalt terms, individuals struggle to:
· integrate conflicting intrapsychic polarities;
· become more aware of their sensory life;
· enrich and expand awareness;
· stretch awareness into excitement and action;
· achieve contact with themselves and others;
· learn a comfortable way of withdrawing, of nourishing and renewing themselves;
· learn to support themselves with their whole beings;
· learn to flow smoothly through the awarenessexcitement-contact cycle without serious blockage.