Rooken’s GoldenShadows Collection

Anger or wrath is an intense emotional response. Often it indicates when one's basic boundaries are violated. Some have a learned tendency to react to anger through retaliation. Anger may be utilized effectively when utilized to set boundaries or escape from dangerous situations. Sheila Videbeck describes anger as a normal emotion that involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response to a perceived provocation.^[1] Raymond Novaco of UC Irvine, who since 1975 has published a plethora of literature on the subject, stratified anger into three modalities: cognitive (appraisals), somatic-affective (tension and agitations), and behavioral (withdrawal and antagonism).^[2] William DeFoore, an anger-management writer, described anger as a pressure cooker: we can only apply pressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes.^[3]

Anger may have physical correlates such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline.^[4] Some view anger as an emotion which triggers part of the fight or flight brain response.^[5] Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force.^[6] The English term originally comes from the term anger of Old Norse language.^[7] Anger can have many physical and mental consequences.

The external expression of anger can be found in facial expressions, body language, physiological responses, and at times in public acts of aggression.^[8] Animals, for example, make loud sounds, attempt to look physically larger, bare their teeth, and stare.^[9] The behaviors associated with anger are designed to warn aggressors to stop their threatening behavior. Rarely does a physical altercation occur without the prior expression of anger by at least one of the participants.^[9] While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them," psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability.^[10]

Anger expression might have negative outcomes for individuals and organizations as well, such as decrease of productivity^[49] and increase of job stress,^[50] however it could also have positive outcomes, such as increased work motivation, improved relationships, increased mutual understanding and etc. (for ex. Tiedens, 2000).^[51] A Dual Thresholds Model of Anger in organizations by Geddes and Callister, (2007) provides an explanation on the valence of anger expression outcomes. The model suggests that organizational norms establish emotion thresholds that may be crossed when employees feel anger. The first "expression threshold" is crossed when an organizational member conveys felt anger to individuals at work who are associated with or able to address the anger-provoking situation. The second "impropriety threshold" is crossed if or when organizational members go too far while expressing anger such that observers and other company personnel find their actions socially and/or culturally inappropriate.

The higher probability of negative outcomes from workplace anger likely will occur in either of two situations. The first is when organizational members suppress rather than express their anger—that is, they fail to cross the "expression threshold". In this instance personnel who might be able to address or resolve the anger-provoking condition or event remain unaware of the problem, allowing it to continue, along with the affected individual's anger. The second is when organizational members cross both thresholds—"double cross"— displaying anger that is perceived as deviant. In such cases the angry person is seen as the problem—increasing chances of organizational sanctions against him or her while diverting attention away from the initial anger-provoking incident. In contrast, a higher probability of positive outcomes from workplace anger expression likely will occur when one's expressed anger stays in the space between the expression and impropriety thresholds. Here, one expresses anger in a way fellow organizational members find acceptable, prompting exchanges and discussions that may help resolve concerns to the satisfaction of all parties involved. This space between the thresholds varies among different organizations and also can be changed in organization itself: when the change is directed to support anger displays; the space between the thresholds will be expanded and when the change is directed to suppressing such displays; the space will be reduced.^[52]

 

http://integrallife.com/integral-post/integral-operating-system

Let’s return now to states of consciousness in order to make a final point before bringing this all together in an integral conclusion.

States of consciousness do not hover in the air, dangling and disembodied.  On the contrary, every mind has its body.  For every state of consciousness, there is a felt energetic component, an embodied feeling, a concrete vehicle which provides the actual support for any state of awareness.

Let’s use a simple example from the wisdom traditions.  Because each of us has the 3 great states of consciousness—waking, dreaming, and formless sleep—the wisdom traditions maintain that each of us has 3 bodies, which are often called the gross body, the subtle body, and the causal body. 

3 bodies?  Are you kidding me?  Isn’t one body enough?  But keep in mind a few things.  For the wisdom traditions, a “body” simply means a mode of experience or energetic feeling.  So there is coarse or gross experience, subtle or refined experience, and very subtle or causal experience.  These are what are philosophers would call “phenomenological realities,” or realities as they present themselves to our immediate awareness.  Right now, you have access to a gross body and its gross energy, a subtle body and its subtle energy, and a causal body and its causal energy.

What’s an example of these 3 bodies?  Notice that, right now, you are in a waking state of awareness; as such, you are aware of your gross body—the physical, material, sensorimotor body.  But when you dream at night, there is no gross physical body; it seems to have vanished.  You are aware in the dream state, yet you don’t have a gross body of dense matter but a subtle body of light, energy, emotional feelings, fluid and flowing images.  In the dream state, the mind and soul are set free to create as they please, to imagine vast worlds not tied to gross sensory realities but reaching out, almost magically, to touch other souls, other people and far-off places, wild and radiant images cascading to the rhythm of the heart’s desire.  When somebody like Martin Luther King says, “I have a dream,” that is a good example of tapping into the great potential of visionary dreaming, where the mind is set free to soar to its highest possibilities.

As you pass from the dream state with its subtle body into the deep-sleep state, even thoughts and images drop away, and there is only a vast emptiness, a formless expanse beyond any individual “I” or ego or self.  The great wisdom traditions maintain that in this state—which might seem like merely a blank or nothingness—we are actually plunged into a vast formless realm, a great Emptiness or Ground of being, an expanse of consciousness that seems almost infinite.  Along with this almost infinite expanse there is an almost infinite body or energy—the causal body, the body of the finest, most subtle experience possible, a great formlessness out of which creative possibilities can arise.

Of course, many people do not experience that deep state in such a full fashion.  But again, the traditions are unanimous that this formless state and its causal body can be entered in full awareness, whereupon they, too, yield their extraordinary potentials for growth and awareness.

The point, once again, is simply that whenever IOS is being utilized, it reminds us to check in with our waking-state realities, our subtle-state dreams and visions and innovative ideas, as well as our own open, formless ground of possibilities that is the source of so much creativity.  The important point about the Integral Approach is that we want to touch bases with as many potentials as possible so as to miss nothing in terms of possible solutions.

Consciousness and Complexity

Perhaps 3 bodies are just too “far out”?  Well, remember that these are phenomenological realities, or experiential realities, but there is a simpler, less far-out way to look at them, this time grounded in hard-headed science.  It is this: every level of interior consciousness is accompanied by a level of exterior physical complexity.  The greater the consciousness, the more complex the system housing it.

For example, in living organisms, the reptilian brain stem is accompanied by a rudimentary interior consciousness of basic drives such as food and hunger, physiological sensations and sensorimotor actions (everything that we earlier called “gross,” or centered on the “me”).  By the time we get to the more complex limbic system, basic sensations have expanded and evolved to include quite sophisticated feelings, desires, emotional-sexual impulses and needs (hence, the beginning of what we called the subtle body, which can expand from “me” to “us”).  As evolution proceeds to even more complex physical structures, such as the triune brain with itsneocortex, consciousness once again expands to a worldcentric awareness of “all of us” (and thus even begins to tap into what we called the causal body).  

That is a very simple example of the fact that increasing interior consciousness is accompanied by increasing exterior complexity of the systems housing it.  When using IOS, we often look at both the interior levels of consciousness and the corresponding exterior levels of physical complexity, since including both of them results in a much more balanced and inclusive approach.  We will see exactly what this means in a moment.

 

fastcompany.comhttp://www.fastcompany.com/3001537/how-ask-and-listen-you-mean-it

By Kevin Cashman

Questions are the expressive, probing language for growing others; listening is the receptive, facilitating language for growing others. These two complementary approaches form a continuous growth conversation loop. The deeper the questions, the deeper the listening; the deeper the listening, the deeper the next question. As we dig together with each tool, we mutually excavate new discoveries. As a result, the learning is never one-sided; it is a co-created process that engenders empathy, trust, and collaboration.

The Power Of Authentic Questions

Innovators working on solving problems and coming up with creative solutions rely on crafting the right questions. Leaders who are helping others to grow and innovate are always trying to craft the best questions to make a difference. Not only do innovators make asking questions an integral part of their lives, and ask more questions than non-innovators, they also ask more provocative ones--questions that provoke deep insight and understanding. Developing other leaders through questioning not only helps them grow, but it forces them to own their unique learning experiences.

Imagine yourself in your next team meeting. Observe and check your impulses to be the expert, the problem solver, or the holder of the most seasoned experiences and perspectives. See yourself using questions more to:

• Challenge yourself to look at solutions from a different point of view.

• Stay in the state of curiosity longer to sort out where others are coming from.

• Probe deeper into motivations, perspectives, and experiences.

• Bring the "unspeakable" question to the surface.

• Challenge the status quo to move the conversation to the next level.

• Build on what is being said and take it one or two steps further.

• Engage with people at a deeper level.

What would be the impact to your team and organization if you leveraged the power of questions more? What would happen if you used your drive, analytical capabilities, and intelligence to help others to grow versus having the answers and solving the problems?

 

The Power of Authentic Listening

Following an extended period of international travel and organizational stress, an extremely self-confident, expressive senior executive lost her voice. She didn't just have a common cold; she had full-blown laryngitis. Unable to speak for 60+ days, she was forced to step back and listen. Her perception of her team changed radically. She saw her staff much more involved, expressive, and creative. Discussions were more uninhibited, free flowing, and creatively productive. Over time, she found that even her contributions of flip chart scribbles occasionally got in the way. "Listening showed me a way to do less but accomplish more. My team understands my vision, expectations, and values. I realize that what I need to do is discipline myself now to listen more and interfere less."

Questions without authentic listening are thinly veiled challenges, judgments, and assertions; challenging questions with authentic listening activates latent power, potential, and collaboration.

How often do we pause to be genuinely present with someone? How often do we really hear what the other person is saying and feeling versus filtering it heavily through our own immediate concerns and time pressures? Authentic listening is not easy. We hear the words, but rarely do we really slow down to listen and squint with our ears to hear the emotions, fears, and underlying concerns. Despite its value-creating properties, listening is rare for many leaders, and this lack of listening is one of the key reasons leaders derail.

We have observed three common pitfalls that inhibit people from stepping back for authentic listening:

Listening Pitfall 1: Hyper Self-Confidence

When we see ourselves as the quintessential expert, the most experienced or accurate person in the room, we position ourselves to fall into a listening black hole. Others with valuable insights defer rather than speak up, diminishing rather than strengthening leadership teams. The kiss of death for collaboration, connection, and innovation is moving too quickly to our own perceived "right" answer. Slow down, and challenge yourself to pause and to listen a few minutes longer to move from transaction or hyperaction to transformation.

Listening Pitfall 2: Impatience and Boredom

When conversations or meetings don't reflect our point of view or are not intellectually challenging enough, we may get impatient or bored. Our inner voice, drowning out other voices in the room, says, "They are not getting it!" They may not be getting your solution, but they are getting something, possibly something valuable but hidden to you. If we are too caught up in our judgmental self-conversation, we can never really genuinely listen and hear what is going on around us. We lose on multiple levels: we don't learn; we don't know what is happening; we don't connect; and we don't innovate. Fight your impatience and boredom by looking deeper. Pause to question: What are they seeing and understanding that I don't see? What are the beliefs underneath what is being said? What are the hopes and fears underneath the surface? Stretch yourself mentally and emotionally to stay engaged by looking deeper. Remember, you can always disagree or reframe the conversation later, but as St. Francis advised, "Seek first to understand."

Listening Pitfall 3: Bias for Action

Sometimes listening is challenging because we want to do something, not just hear about it. Our hyperactive impulses derive from our certainty that we know the solution and reactively want to implement it. However, it isn't always optimal to rush in with the answers, unintentionally creating dependency, stunting the growth of others, and sacrificing transformative breakthroughs. Pause a bit longer to let groups struggle and strain more as they explore ideas, options, and deeper solutions. Listen to how they are collaborating, resolving conflict, and problem solving. Give introverts space to speak up. Step back more and step in only when absolutely necessary.

What Listening Does

Pausing to listen to the needs, concerns, and aspirations of our key people is crucial to growing talent. If you find yourself rushing about from meeting to meeting, project to project, and rarely pausing to check in with your key people, your team and organizational risk is mounting. Having deeper developmental discussions, really engaging people, communicates care and connection. Pausing for developmental dialogue elevates the business conversation from management tactics to leadership excellence.

Try practicing authentic listening. Be with people and have the goal to fully understand the thoughts and feelings they are trying to express. Use your questions and comments to draw them out, to open them up, and to clarify what is said rather than expressing your view, closing them down, and saying only what you want. Not only will this help you to understand the value and contribution the other person brings, it will create a new openness in the relationship that will allow you to express yourself and be heard more authentically as well.

Authentic listening creates the platform for true synergy and team effectiveness. Valuing and attending to different perspectives from diverse sources results in a more complete understanding of issues and more elegant solutions. Authentic listening is the soul of growing others.

Reprinted by permission of Berrett-Koehler. Excerpted from THE PAUSE PRINCIPLE: Step Back to Lead Forward, copyright 2012 Kevin Cashman. All rights reserved.

Kevin Cashman is a Senior Partner, CEO & Board Services, Korn/Ferry International. He is recognized as a pioneer in leadership development and executive development, focusing on optimizing executive, team, and organizational performance.

[Image: Flickr user Joe Philipson]

natural-passages.comhttp://www.natural-passages.com/resources.htm

Articles

Facing Regret
by Herb Stevenson

Modern men often are plagued with regret about some aspect of their life, whether it is related to dreams unfulfilled, to missing the mark in a major project, or to making decisions in haste that later lead to a wish to have done differently.

Read More...

Male Intimacy
by Herb Stevenson

Robert Bly and Robert Moore are often associated with saying that male intimacy occurs shoulder to shoulder as father and son or as close male friends walk or work together while never making eye contact. It is a pregnant moment that seems delicately balanced between anxiety1 and excitement that is safely contained, sometimes, for only a moment or two. The anxiety2 is like a deep knowing that this is important and something that has been internally sought and fought for many lifetimes and may last only for a brief moment or two. The excitement is like the potential to bring satisfaction to a deep yearning that has existed long before time.

Read More...

Existential Courage to Face Life and Death:
The Experience of Being—Alive and Dead
by Herb Stevenson

Otto Rank introduced the existential contest between life and death. He felt we have a "life instinct" that pushes us away from joining and towards individuation so as to become individuals, competent and independent, and a "death instinct" that pulls us away from our individuality so as to be part of a family, community, or humanity. (Boeree, 1998) In many ways, these are the determining factors between whether we approach life with courage or out of desperation. Both instincts create a tension that, if held throughout life, supports living on the edge of life in a state of being (or creating). When the balance is lost, we become overly enveloped by one instinct to the point in time that the other instinct erupts creating a sense of desperation to re-balance the tension between. Often experienced as an internal disintegration, the re-balancing process creates massive internal chaos until a new equilibrium is found and established.

Read More...

The Courage To Be
by Herb Stevenson

Courage is taught to men from the beginning of life, or should I say, the courage that has become culturally acceptable is taught to men from the beginning of life. This generally accepted form of courage is portrayed as “charging the hill” in battle whether the battle is real as in the Viet Namese or Iraqi wars or imaginative as in a John Wayne movie on television or metaphorical as in creating a totally new concept within an organization that meets a wall of resistance. In truth, these battles can be arguably stated as examples of courage, when it reality, it often reflects willfulness, an important piece of what is courage.

Read More...

The Ideal Self Verses the Real Self
by Herb Stevenson

Throughout this program, we have suggested that you journal about your experience and apply the learning to your life. Peter Koestenbaum in Managing Anxiety suggests an even deeper form of journaling for those that truly want to know themselves. He suggests that the key is to focus on emotional, intellectual, and fantasy (day and night dreams) material. More specifically, the focus would be to record daydreams and night dreams as fantasy material to reveal what we hope or wish for our lives. Often, we are so close to these fantasies, that we never closely examine their content nor the impact it is having on how we live our lives. In actuality, we may not be aware that these fantasies may be covering the source of our deepest fears, insecurities, unacknowledged parts or dreams and hopes. At a minimum, it acts as a comfort and enable us to use our imagination to release a burst of anxiety.

Read More...

Principals for a Present Centered Existence
By Herb Stevenson

According to Peter Koestenbaum, existential philosophy reflects our pursuit of the authentic meaning of human fulfillment. (1979) Using the phenomenological method, existentialism “accepts as authentic or original data, those experiences which are presented to us in immediate consciousness. The true nature of the facts of human experience are as they appear to the apprehending ego in their unadulterated form, that is, without assumption or presupposition.” (1971, 64-65) “Both the method and its ensuing theory have many of the characteristics of scientific inquiry: ...an analysis of reality based on descriptions of the actually observed facts and structures of existence rather than on a priori categories.

Read More...

The Alchemical Four Chambered Heart
& the Phantoms and Shadows of Fear
by Herb Stevenson

The four chambered heart consists of being fully centered (in our heart) and actively maintaining a strong, clear, full, and open heart. The strong heart means that we have true courage that is based on our internal authority of whom we are. We are able to show up and be present without preconceived notions, while having the Ability to Take Action and Enforce Boundaries. The clear heart means that we have removed our personal biases and blinders and developed a clarity about self so that we can see clearly whom we are by having respect for self and for others without confusing external temptations that can lead down the destructive path of envy or entitlement. With a clear heart, we are able to assess, analyze and contain, while saying what is so when it is so, without blame or judgment. The full heart is a heart that can love itself, having been nurtured by self, family, nature, and life. It does not measure against a bucket emptied by draining one’s source of life by not accepting the innate sense of being loved regardless of circumstances. With a full heart, we have the Ability to Connect and Feel, while paying attention to what has heart and meaning. The open heart means that we can embrace all of life with a sense of wisdom and acceptance. It is an awareness that there are as many stories of what is life as there are people; hence, though we can influence others, we must always be open to them and their evolving story. With an open heart, we have the Ability to Initiate, Support and Create Order while being open to outcome.

Read More...

For a more complete collection of Herb Stevenson's Articles, Poetry, and Book Chapters, please visit www.herbstevenson.com

Books

These are basic books that could support your journey. If you have specific interests, let me know and I will suggest other books. Check www.alibris.com or www.amazon.com for any books that are out of print or if you want to get lower prices.

Remembrance of Relations

Animal Speak, Ted Andrews. A book that describes the medicine of animals and what they can teach us. It brings back the childlike innocence of meaning making lost while we are formed into young men.

Nature Speak, Ted Andrews. A book that describes the medicine of nature and what it can teach us. It brings a remembrance of what we have forgotten since childhood or possibly from our ancestors.

Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and the Psyche, Bill Plotkin. A powerful book about crafting our soul through returning to nature.

Synchronicity: the Inner Path of Leadership, Joseph Jaworski. An insightful book of how allowing our internal authority to return leads to a life of meaning and whole-heartedness.

Presence: Human Purpose and the Field of the Future, Peter Senge, C. Otto Scharmer, Joseph Jaworski,and Better Sue Flowers. A cutting edge book on the emergence of the soul. Integrates many theories into a nature-based return to manifesting one’s future as an individual or organization.

The Archetype of Initiation: Sacred Space, Ritual Process, and Personal Transformation, Robert L. Moore, edited by Max J. Havlick, Jr.

The Inner Game of Work, W. Timothy Gallwey.

Men's Issues

I don’t want to talk about it, Terrence Real. An insightful book about male depression, its prevalence in this society, and how it undermines fullness of life.

Sacred Manhood, Sacred Earth, Joseph Jastrab. A book on reclaiming the sacred masculine by communing with nature.

King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. A book describing the rediscovery of the mature masculine. There are four more books by these authors that go into more detail about each of the male archetypes.

The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell. A book describing the various forms of hero’s journeys that have been employed to catapult the boy into manhood. A failed journey requires the boy/man to constantly save the world and become a hero in some way.

Warriors of the Light: A Manual, Paulo Coelho. 2003. New York: Harper Collins.

The Hear Aroused: Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America, David Whyte. An interesting exploration of the healer/magician energy. He has several tapes through www.soundstrue.com that are excellent.

Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others, Barbara E. Hort. A Jungian analysis of masculine and feminine energy gone awry.

Masculinity

The following books are by David Deida. Powerful books that cut through the typical illusions of masculine and feminine energies. Not for the faint hearted. www.soundtrue.com

Blue Truth: A Spiritual Guide to Life and Earth and Love and Sex

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

Dear Lover: A Women’s Guide to Men, Sex, and Love’s Deepest Bliss

Finding God Through Sex: Awakening the One of Spirit Through the Two of Flesh

Wild Nights: Conversation with Mykonos about Passionate Love, Extraordinary Sex, and How to Open to God

Intimate Communion: Awakening Your Sexual Essence

It’s a Guy Thing: An Owner’s Manual for Women

Other Deida books----- www.hci-online.com

Cross Cultural Sources

The Four-Fold Way, Angeles Arrien. A book describing the process of walking the paths of the warrior, teacher, healer, and visionary

Native American Wisdom, Kristen Maree Cleary. A collection of sayings.

Zen Lessons: The Art of Leadership, Thomas Cleary. A thoughtful book of Zen lessons on character, integrity and leadership.

The Essential Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks. Selected stories and poetry from the Persian mystic.

The Elements of the Qabalah, Will Parfitt. The core of Jewish Mysticism. A basic text that stretches the mind to include mystery and spiritual possibilities.

Who Were the Celts, Kevin Duffy. A way to find ones European ancestry that preceded the invasion of Rome which became the core of Western Civilization. A nice peek in to where you came from.

Mythology

Mythology, Richard Cavendish. A collection of myths—teaching stories– from around the world.

World Mythology, Arthur Cotterell. A collection of myths—teaching stories– from around the world.

Integrity & Ethics

As a Man Thinketh, James Allen. A treatise on positive thinking written in the late 1800's.

Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl. Surviving the holocaust, the author reveals the bases of presence through an I/Thou relationship with life instead of and I/It that depersonalizes oneself and others.

There is no such thing as Business Ethics, John Maxwell. An excellent book on living an ethical life, which in terms of this program means living life as a mature man.

Why Courage Matters : The Way to a Braver Life, John McCain. An excellent book about why courage is required to live a full life.

Character Is Destiny : Inspiring Stories Every Young Person Should Know and Every Adult Should Remember, John McCain.

Character Is Destiny : The Value of Personal Ethics in Everyday Life, Russell Gough.

Defining Moments: When Managers Must Choose Between Right and Right, Joseph L. Badaracco, Jr. Outstanding book that shows that life is full of tension, often between two right choices.

Communications/Conflict

Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler. 2002. Powerful book that implicitly embraces the four principles, especially how to say what is so, when it is so without blame or judgment.

Crucial Confrontations: Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, an bad behavior: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler. 2005 A next step from Crucial Conversations.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what matters most. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen. Focus is on how to stay present and speak your truth. Based on the Harvard Negotiation Project.

Fierce Conversations: Achieving success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time. Susan Scott. Supporting acting with courage, care, and confidence.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Marshall B. Rosenberg. Discusses how to create your life, relationships and world in harmony with your values.

Managing Intercultural Conflict Effectively. Stella Ting-Toomey and John G. Oetzel. Culture is like water to a fish. Understanding what cultural we swim in and how it differs in what culture others swim in can lead to conflict resolution and reduced misunderstandings.

Dialogue

On Dialogue. David Bohm. The pioneering book that opened the eyes to the world what was already known by indigenous cultures.

Dialogue: Creating and Sustaining Collaborative Partnerships at Work. Linda Ellinor and Glenna Gerard. Powerful book to lead how to say what is so when it is so.

Dialogue and the art of Thinking Together. William Isaacs. Top shelf.

Responsibility and Ways of Thinking

UnStuck, Keith Yamashita and Sandra Spataro. An examination of how we get stuck with our selves, our teams, and our organizations.

How Full is Your Bucket. Tom Rath and Donald Clifton. Written by the grandfather of positive psychology and his grandson. Powerful book about how we choose to show-up in life.

The Radical Leap. Steve Farber. A personal lesson in Extreme Leadership. A novella.

Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box The Arbinger Institute. An insightful novella.

Polarity Management, Barry Johnson. A very clear model of how to understand polarities.

Trust: A New Vision off Human Relationships for Business, Education, Family, and personal Living. Jack R. Gibb. A well centered and well written book on presence and showing up in life. A free copy can be downloaded from the internet by doing a search on his name.

The Four Powers of Leadership: Presence, Intention, Wisdom, and Compassion, David T. Kyle A book on the diamond model of living a centered life.

Blink: the power of thinking without thinking, Malcolm Gladwell. A provocative book.

Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell. An interesting view of how new fads get created.

The Art of Focused Conversation: 100 Ways to Access Group Wisdom in the Workplace, R. Brian Stanfield

Movies

Like the books, these are basic videos that will support your journey through the Medicine of Men program. Many of these videos are about claiming the deep masculine energies, which is what was lost when initiations were removed from this country.

Note: Pay attention to emotional, physical and mental reactions during the movie. Take some notes. These reactions are how you act (or want to act) and/or defend yourself in similar situations. To bring these to consciousness will support your journey to be more present.

Spirit: A Journey in Dance, Drums, and Song. Peter Buffett and Chief Hawk Pope. This is a video about the birthing of a man. It is a musical that combines traditional and modern dance and music. It is about returning to the center of who you are to birth the fullness of yourself.

Lord of the Rings—Trilogy. These three movies reflect a series of intertwined archetypal journeys that can inform us about who we are.; e.g. Gollum is the shadow. Have fun and find the warriors, magicians, healer/peacekeepers, and kings and their respective shadows and phantoms.

Emerald Forest. This is a video about a boy taken by an indigenous tribe in the jungle who becomes initiated into manhood by the tribe. A video that indicates how when we are not initiated into manhood, we lose some of the clarity and magic of whom we are.

The Patriot: Mel Gibson. This is a video that shows the struggles of being a man. It clearly portrays the struggles between the warrior and the king/father archetypes. It shows the moral dilemmas of war. It shows the primitive side of man that can erupt when driven to fight for freedom and/or self preservation.

The 13th Warrior: Antonio Banderas. This video is about the hero’s journey. However, it also portrays the Viking warrior, magician, healer, and king archetypal energies. It shows the shadow King as a wimp. A powerful video that should be bought and watched three or more times. It shows the progression from irresponsible boy/man to a responsible mature man that has faced himself.

The Gladiator: Russell Crowe. A video revealing the warrior, the sovereign king, the shadow tyrant king, and the sage archetypes. A powerful video of the mature male struggling to live within his integrity while grieving the loss caused by shadow injustices.

A Beautiful Mind. Russell Crowe portrays a Nobel laureate in economics that suffers from schizophrenia. The power of the movie is his awareness that he must stay fully present and conscious choose how to live each moment—in the illusions of his mental illness or in the day to day trappings of life.

Spy Game: Robert Redford. A video portraying the terrorist/tyrant, warrior/king, the magician/warrior, the warrior/lover, and the unconscious bureaucrat. A video of integrity around national/world relations, man-to-man relations, and personal integrity.

The Last Castle: Robert Redford. A video revealing the war between a warrior/king and a warrior/tyrant, while others play-out the various roles of boy/man becoming a mature man. Interesting twist for a movie about integrity being within a military prison. It portrays that under the correct conditions, we all can make mistakes......and we can have the integrity to deal with them responsibly.

Tears of the Sun: Bruce Willis. A video of integrity where the warrior/soldier becomes the samurai/warrior. A video indicating how responsibility for our actions as well as for the larger picture of life is very much apart of how we mature into men.

Open Range: Robert Duvall and Kevin Costner. A western that portrays the shadow king/tyrant, the warrior/king, and the immature warrior/boy trying to become a mature warrior. This video requires watching several times to understand the intricacies of manhood. There will always be moral dilemmas and there will always be times that a man must stand up for what he believes even against total oppression and opposition. And, there comes a time to take action.

Hildago: A true story of a warrior/magician boy that moves into manhood by claiming the fullness of his heritage. A story of wit, determination, and lots of heart.

Road to Perdition: Paul Newman and Tom Hanks. A movie about male maturity for a father and a son. A mercenary father that learned to open his heart to himself and his son and to assume responsibility for moral justice of himself and from others, and a son that learned to understand the importance of integrity and life choices.

The Emperor’s Club: Kevin Kline anchors a movie on personal integrity, his own, and that of the students entrusted to him to learn the lessons of life. An amazing portrayal of learning that though we hold hope for every human’s potential, it is always up to the individual to choose the road taken.

Life as a House: Kevin Kline. A father/son relationship movie. Depicts the bitterness of a father that must be healed with his own father so that he can embrace his son, who has assumed the family bitterness and cynicism.

Behind the Red Door: Kiefer Sutherland. The story of a man dying from aids overlain with the story of him and his sister remembering and healing their childhood traumas.

The Last Samurai: Tom Cruise. The hero’s journey of a man caught in the trickster energies that prevent his moving into mature manhood entwined with the wise master energies that teach integrity even in battle.

Radio: Ed Harris and Cuba Gooding. A powerful movie about how a walking legend as a football coach, reaches out as a man to a mentally challenged young man and demands that he not be discarded by the local community. A heart opening movie.

Million Dollar Baby: Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, Hillary swank. Must see rites of passage film.

Mystic River: Clint Eastwood film depicting the difficulties of doing the “right” things in life when our internal needs as a man, father, and husband, exceed the speed and capacity of the external world to provide answers and to take corrective action.

A Man Called Horse An old flick with Richard Harris. Shows a Eurocentric, adult male being put through a Native American Indian rite of passage that transforms him into a true mature leader.

Human Stain: Anthony Hopkins, Ed Harris. A story of how a white man from a black family loses touch with himself and disowns his family only to later be humiliated and forced to lose his prestigious position at a university based on an unfounded accusation of racism. Truly reveals the unacknowledged and unspoken struggles many people face in this country.

Second Hand Lions: Michael Caine and Robert Duval. A humorous story of two aging brothers, that have seen the world through the eyes of many hero’s journeys, raising a nephew into manhood through story telling and unusual adventures. Many powerful lessons.

Love, Actually. Hugh Grant and a wonderful cast of British actors that portrays the foibles of love and reminds us of the many roles we, as men, may have played in our quest for love, fantasy, companionship, sex, and intimate relations.

The Core. Hilary Swank. The core of the earth has stopped spinning putting the planet in jeopardy. Filled with warriors, shadow warrior/magicians (self-centered scientists without integrity), heroes, etc., the race is on to travel to the center (of the earth) to save the world. Has metaphorical applications to finding and restarting our own centers. A piercing statement about maturity coming from dealing with failures is portrayed.

Man on Fire: Denzel Washington is a guilt ridden CIA assassin that must come to grips with his integrity and mortality. Developmentally, he is stuck in the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels wondering if God will forgive him for his deeds. He matures and accepts what he is when he is revitalized by the love of a little girl that is kidnaped. He finds redemption when he trades his life to save another.

The Clearing. Robert Redford and Willem Dafoe. A poignant story about how an uninitiated male can become a shadow warrior that cannot distinguish between reality and illusion and the tragedy that results.

Rain Man: Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise portray two brothers that have been separated since early childhood who are brought together upon their father’s death. Dustin Hoffman is savant autistic man (brilliant with numbers and otherwise unavailable) and Tom Cruise is in need of male initiation. Together, they grow into a family.

Videos

Jackie Lowe Stevenson MSSA LISW
Live Like a Horse: Innovation Inspired by Nature

Jackie is a Gestalt psychotherapist, life coach, and consultant. In her talk she explores how people experience personal rebirth through exploring the culture and community which make up horses and the mentality of the herd.

Emmanuel Kelly The X Factor 2011 Auditions Emmanuel Kelly

... to Support Your Journey

Audio Interviews

Four Principals of Leadership: 1st Principal
Four Principals of Leadership: 2nd Principal
Four Principals of Leadership: 3rd Principal
Four Principals of Leadership: 4th Principal

Prayers

Daily Prayers

Acknowledging Your Soul Intention

#1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

#2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

#3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works".

#4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. Then you can go on to the next lesson.

#5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

#6. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that again, looks better than "here".

#7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

#8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need; what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

#9. The answers lie inside you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

Scott Goodknight
www.FindingYourHero.com

 

Please note if any of these links are dead I may be able to provide the content.

The idea of no boundary supports the idea of a necessary, permanent and real “duality”

This article also references “A Working Synthesis of Transactional Analysis and Gestalt Therapy”.

 

kenwilber.com http://www.kenwilber.com/blog/show/51

 

The Shadow Series. Part 1: How to Spot the Shadow.
June 15, 2006 09:25

How can we start to recognize our own shadows? I promised in previous blogs that I would post two chapters from No Boundary on how to recognize, and begin to re-integrate, one’s shadow. I am actually going to post several items from different sources—at least three major ones to start with. Here is a chapter from No Boundary, which contains some very practical suggestions and exercises for spotting and re-owning one’s shadow. Click here for the chapter in pdf form. This is only one of many ways that an individual can begin to confront and deal with shadow material, if he or she so wishes.

What we are trying to do at I-I is create a space where individuals can fly at a turquoise altitude, if that’s what they can and want to do. In order for that to happen, turquoise responses need to be protected from unwarranted and unfair first-tier attacks. Let me repeat, as I have dozens of times, that if you really dislike the Wyatt Earpy blogs, that does NOT necessarily mean you are first-tier. You can be at second tier and have strong reservations about those blogs, and I myself posted several emails that did exactly that. But it does mean that if you are at green, you will almost certainly react in negative ways (first, because green sees yellow/turquoise in general as being arrogant; and second, in addition to that general altitude negativity, the language of Part 1 is offensive to green, not because it’s dirty but because it’s judgmental, and nobody except green is allowed to make judgments). So not all negative responses are green, but almost all green responses are negative.

But it’s more interesting and complicated than that, because of the phenomena of “levels and lines”—namely, you can be at different levels of development in different lines of development. People excel in some multiple intelligences, but not in others. You might be highly developed in some lines (e.g., cognitive), medium in others (e.g., emotional), and low in yet others (e.g., moral).

Most educated adults are capable of a teal or turquoise level of cognition; but of those who have turquoise cognition, their self or center-of-gravity might be at turquoise, or green, or orange. So you can be turquoise or second tier in your cognition—your “talk”—but your center-of-gravity—your “walk”—might be at several different levels, orange to green to turquoise itself. In general, those with a center-of-gravity at turquoise are about 0.5% of the population; green, about 25% of the population; and orange, about 40% of the population.

But what this really means is that, no matter what your center-of-gravity might be (orange or green or turquoise), you can light up turquoise cognition, and every time you do, it acts as a magnet on the other lines, helping to pull them up as well. And you light up turquoise whenever you use a second-tier model, such as AQAL, and begin to think about how it might apply to any situation. Even better is to use AQAL as an integral praxis or practice, but simply thinking about it and talking about it (or blogging about it) will light up turquoise and help you move more permanently to that wave.

In order to help with this, the forums and blogs at I-I that are moderated have, or will soon have, what we call “Road Rules.” These are forum guidelines that help light up turquoise or second-tier awareness. We already use these in our workshops and seminars. Here are some examples:

--“Let the next sentence out of my mouth be integral or second tier.”

However you understand integral, please write or speak from that level or altitude. You will be setting an example for others, and you will judged by others based on how well and how often you speak and act integrally. As for the criteria that are used for “judging,” at least a dozen well-known developmental models are used, and professionals who work with those models in the field will be giving us suggestions here.

The point here is that, even if you are afraid that your center of gravity is orange or green, you can still think turquoise, you can still talk turquoise, you can still light up turquoise, and the Road Rules help you respond integrally by helping you talk turquoise. The more your talk is second tier, the sooner your walk will be.

The fact that you have a really strong interest in Integral Theory already shows that you have at least turquoise cognition, virtually guaranteed. Your center of gravity might be orange or green, or it might be turquoise, but by being in a space that encourages you to think and post turquoise, it helps you—it helps all of us—rise to our own highest occasion.

If somebody consistently and belligerently responds from first tier (showing that they are not only acting first-tier but thinking first-tier), they might indeed be asked to step down from that moderated forum. We have other (unmoderated) places they can play, but not on these moderated forums, where we promise each and every one of you that we will do our best to create a turquoise common space. What else is the point of I-I????

Here’s another Road Rule:

“Any time that you are not sure whether you are being integral or not, turquoise or not, second tier or not, then feel the thinker; be aware of the thinker.”

Every time you are aware of the thinker, you make the subject object, which is the definition of development and transcendence (“the subject of one stage becomes the object of the subject of the next”). This rule—feel the thinker, feel the self-contraction—actually engages third-tier Witnessing. It reminds you and me to be aware of ever-present I AMness, the True Self, in which the entire world is arising. (See Part 2 of the Wyatt blog for an experiential exercise to awaken I AMness.)

Here’s another one:

“Are there any of my shadow elements in any of my sentences or posts?”

Notice this does not say, “Am I aware of any shadow elements in other people’s posts?” We are not allowed to shadow hunt our way through integral forums. We have to clean our own house first. There are specific forums in the critics’ circle where all sorts of criticisms are allowed and encouraged. But threaded discussions in general are not for shadow-boxing.

Those who do feel that they have shadow elements that should be addressed, or at least acknowledged, are already taking The Shadow Challenge, which is the name of the overall shadow-spotting and shadow-addressing material that is part of I-I’s attempt to provide authentic commons spaces, not those clogged with shadow elements. The Shadow Challenge is the invitation to take advantage of that material as it is made available.

In order to help spot shadow elements, we will have several helpful aids, such as the following chapter from No Boundary which deals with just that topic. Please click here .

--Ken

The Shadow Series. Part 2: Integrating the Shadow.
June 18, 2006 18:30

How to integrate your shadow—this is the topic of the second PDF in The Shadow Series. In a sense, all three of the PDFs that I will be including are about both how to spot one’s shadow and how to integrate it. But this post happens to be from chapter 7 of The Spectrum of Consciousness and is entitled “Integrating the Shadow,” so that’s what I’m calling it here. But this chapter also covers both.

All three of the posts (including the following one) were written during the so-called “wilber-1” period, when I was in my twenties. In fact, I spent a good portion of my twenties doing shadow work in a great number of different schools, from Gestalt therapy to psychoanalytic to Jungian to transactional analysis to psychodrama. It is an absolutely crucial and foundational part of anybody’s growth and development, which is why we have made it one of the four core modules of Integral Life Practice. Most of my early publications had chapters on shadow work and body work, along with experiential exercises for both. So I hope you enjoy these posts, and that they spark enough interest for you to look into doing some sort of shadow work on your own....

--Ken

The Shadow Series. Part 3: A Working Synthesis of Transactional Analysis and Gestalt Therapy.
June 23, 2006 01:25

This is, I believe, the second paper I ever published, and I was fortunate enough to get it accepted in the prestigious Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice. I say “fortunate” because I was, at the time, a dishwasher. But then, I was a dishwasher during the period my first 5 books were published, so what the heck. At the Red Rooster Restaurant, if you can believe that. Finest fried chicken in a five-state area. Lincoln, Nebraska. Don’t ask.

But the paper deals with two of the therapeutic systems that I found incredibly helpful in my own growth and development and shadow work. I guess my mind was already refusing to let psychological models not speak to each other; so I worked out a general synthesis between the two models that I still believe is essentially right on the money. These are also the two schools I would most recommend for shadow work, although there are many others that I would also recommend as being very helpful. And in the last analysis, the best therapeutic system is the one that works for you.

Click here for the pdf containing “A Working Synthesis of Transactional Analysis and Gestalt Therapy.”

--Ken

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Shadow Series:

The Shadow Series. Part 1: How to Spot the Shadow.

The Shadow Series. Part 2: Integrating the Shadow.

I like these descriptions and definitions of shadow-work or men’s work. What do you think of them?

 

natural-passages.comhttp://www.natural-passages.com/programs/mens-circle.htm

The meetings will provide an opportunity for the following:

·        A coming together of men from different walks of life that share the burdens and blessings of being men.

·        Learning how to be in the world in a different way that is based in the moment and that allows a wider range of responses.

·        Learning how to share the deeper parts of ourselves with other men without shame or guilt.

·        Learning how to clarify and state our wants and needs as men.

·        Opening to the possibilities of life versus miming the social and familial roles and rules assigned to us as male children, adolescents or adults.

Core Values of Present-Centered Groups

Adapted from Joseph Zinker

We value the following group behaviors:

·        Address yourself to a specific person (try not to speak into an empty space in the middle of the room). Make eye contact if possible.

·        If you speak to someone, look at him/her and try to use the person’s name.

·        Attend to and express what you experienced here and now.

·        Attend to your physical experience of the situation and learn to observe and respond to other people’s body language.

·        Make an effort to be direct with others (i.e., don’t speak about Jack to Mary; address yourself directly to Jack.

·        Respect each other’s needs, individual boundaries, space, privacy; at the same time, learn how to nudge each other into growthful action.

·        When other people are in the middle of their work, do not intrude; bracket off your feelings and/or actions for the time being. (After all, this is what we often need to do in the real world; it does not mean, of course, that you should be a passive, compliant observer).

·        Use your observations, responses and feelings to enhance ownership of your feelings and observations. Describe your reaction, instead of prescribe what the other person should do.

·        Speak in the first person: First person statements enhance ownership of your feelings and observations; e.g. “I” statements instead of “you” statements

·        Convert your questions into statements; often questions are safe ways of not owning feelings: “Mary, did you feel that was fair to do to Bill?” may mean, “Mary, I feel you are cruel!”

·        Avoid giving advice; it is easily ignored and often mobilizes resistance. Instead, support the person to become his or her own internal authority.

·        Achieve a balance between your words and actions:

o   Act instead of over-philosophizing, especially if you tend to ramble;

o   on the other hand, learn to verbalize and explain yourself if you tend to constantly act out.

Goals & Aspirations

Adapted from Joseph Zinker

Each of us:

·        moves toward greater awareness of himself—his body, his feelings, his environment;

·        learns to take ownership of his experience, rather than projecting them on to other;

·        learns to be aware of his needs and to develop skills to satisfy himself without violating others;

·        moves toward a fuller contact with his sensations, learning to smell, touch, hear, and see—to savor all aspects of himself;

·        moves toward the experience of his power and the ability to support himself, rather than relying on whining, blaming or guilt-making in order to mobilize support from the environment;

·        becomes sensitive to his surroundings, yet at the same time wears a coat of armor for situations which are potentially destructive or poisonous; learns to take responsibility for his actions and their consequences;

·        feels comfortable with the awareness of his fantasy life and its expression.

Group Goals

Adapted from Joseph Zinker

In Gestalt terms, individuals struggle to:

·        integrate conflicting intrapsychic polarities;

·        become more aware of their sensory life;

·        enrich and expand awareness;

·        stretch awareness into excitement and action;

·        achieve contact with themselves and others;

·        learn a comfortable way of withdrawing, of nourishing and renewing themselves;

·        learn to support themselves with their whole beings;

·        learn to flow smoothly through the awarenessexcitement-contact cycle without serious blockage.

 

Adapted from © 2004 Dmitri Bilgere www.dbweb.org/guts

Milton Ericson was one of the true greats of hypnosis. Here are some of his basic principles of therapy (compiled by I don’t know who, and edited by me) along with a few of my own. These are useful beliefs to have when you are facilitating Process Work.

Armed with these beliefs, we are better, more flexible and compassionate facilitators:

• People operate out of their internal maps, and not out of sensory experience. Meet the participant at his or her model of the world. Don’t try to force your model on the participant; it won’t work.

• People make the best choice for themselves at any given moment. Respect that.

• Respect all messages from the participant.

• Teach choice; Never take attempt to take choice away.

• The resources the person needs lie within him or her.

• The person with the most flexibility will be the controlling element in the system. That person needs to be you, the facilitator.

• A person can’t not respond.

• If it’s confusing or too big, do it in pieces or scoops.

Here are a few other beliefs I’ve found useful to work from:

• Everything a person describes is part of him or her.

• The participant is always telling you the truth about his or her  psychological space, though perhaps on a metaphoric level.

• Everything a participant says is useful—it’s just a matter of figuring out how to use it.

• “The intensity of your feeling is not the measure of reality.”—Richard Bandler. Just because you feel a person needs something doesn’t mean he or  she does. Always ask: How do you know that is the right thing to do? Ask the participant.

• There are no stupid people, only people who believe they are stupid.

 

 

     natural-passages.comhttp://www.natural-passages.com/programs/natural-passages.htm

 

Season	Spring	Summer	Fall	Winter
Direction	East	South	West	North
Element	Sun/Fire	Earth/Land	Rain/Water	Wind/Air
Original Nations	Yellow	Black	Red	White
	Asian	African	Americas	Euro (Celtic/ Germanic/ Viking)
Energy	Masculine	Children	Feminine	Ancestors
	Action	Innocence	Introspection	Silence
	New Beginnings	Growth	Harvest	Regeneration
Life Stage	Baby	Child	Adult	Elder
Bodies	Physical	Mental	Emotional	Spiritual
Archetype	Warrior	Magician/Sage	Lover	King/Queen
	Samurai	Shaman	Healer	Sovereign
Shadows	Victim/Masochist	Fool	Numb-Nuts	Wimp
	Hero/Sadist	Trickster	Addict	Tyrant
Great Values	Courage	Respect	Love	Generosity
Four Truths	Show-up and be Present without preconceived notions	Say What’s so when it is sow/o blame or judgment	Pay attention to What has Heart and Meaning	Be open to outcome
Laws of Change	Change comes from Within	Permanent change requires a vision	A great/shared learning must occur	A healing Force/forest must be present

 

     natural-passages.comhttp://www.natural-passages.com/programs/natural-passages.htm

 

Season	Spring	Summer	Fall	Winter
Direction	East	South	West	North
Element	Sun/Fire	Earth/Land	Rain/Water	Wind/Air
Original Nations	Yellow	Black	Red	White
	Asian	African	Americas	Euro (Celtic/ Germanic/ Viking)
Energy	Masculine	Children	Feminine	Ancestors
	Action	Innocence	Introspection	Silence
	New Beginnings	Growth	Harvest	Regeneration
Life Stage	Baby	Child	Adult	Elder
Bodies	Physical	Mental	Emotional	Spiritual
Archetype	Warrior	Magician/Sage	Lover	King/Queen
	Samurai	Shaman	Healer	Sovereign
Shadows	Victim/Masochist	Fool	Numb-Nuts	Wimp
	Hero/Sadist	Trickster	Addict	Tyrant
Great Values	Courage	Respect	Love	Generosity
Four Truths	Show-up and be Present without preconceived notions	Say What’s so when it is sow/o blame or judgment	Pay attention to What has Heart and Meaning	Be open to outcome
Laws of Change	Change comes from Within	Permanent change requires a vision	A great/shared learning must occur	A healing Force/forest must be present