Rooken’s GoldenShadows Collection

INTRODUCTION: THE SHADOW SIDE OF EVERYDAY LIFE

Meeting the Shadow – The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature.

Connie Zweig e Jeremiah Abrams (orgs.): London, Penguin Books, 2000

 

How could there be so much evil in the world? Knowing humanity, I wonder why there is not more of it.

Woody Allen, Hannah and Her Sisters

In 1886, more than a decade before Freud plumbed the depths of human darkness, Robert Louis Stevenson had a highly revealing dream: a male character, pursued for a crime, swallows a powder and undergoes a drastic change of character, so drastic that he is unrecognizable. The kind, hardworking scientist Dr. Jekyll is transformed into the violent and relentless Mr. Hyde, whose evil takes on greater and greater proportions as the dream story unfolds.

Stevenson developed the dream into the now-famous tale The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Its theme has become so much a part of popular culture that we may think of it when we hear someone say, “I was not myself,” or “He was like a demon possessed,” or “She became a shrew.” As Jungian analyst John Sanford points out, when a story like this one touches the chord of our humanity in such a way that it rings true for many people, it must have an archetypal quality—it must speak to a place in us that is universal.

Each of us contains both a Dr. Jekyll and a Mr. Hyde, a more pleasant persona for everyday wear and a hiding, nighttime self that remains hushed up much of the time. Negative emotions and behaviors—rage, jealousy, shame, lying, resentment, lust, greed, suicidal and murderous tendencies— lie concealed just beneath the surface, masked by our more proper selves. Known together in psychology as the personal shadow, it remains untamed, unexplored territory to most of us.

 

INTRODUCING THE SHADOW

 

Carl Jung saw the inseparability of ego and shadow in himself in a dream that he describes in his autobiography, Memories, Dreams, Reflections:

It was night in some unknown place, and I was making slow and painful headway against a mighty wind. Dense fog was flying along everywhere. I had my hands cupped around a tiny light which threatened to go out at any moment. Everything depended on my keeping this little light alive.

Suddenly I had the feeling that something was coming up behind me. I looked back and saw a gigantic black figure following me. But at the same moment I was conscious in spite of my terror that I must keep my little light going through night and wind, regardless of all dangers.

When I awoke I realized at once that the figure was my own shadow on the swirling mists, brought into being by the little light I was carrying. I knew too that this little light was my consciousness, the only light I have. Though infinitely small and fragile in comparison with the powers of darkness, it is still a light, my only light.

 

DISOWNING THE SHADOW

 

We cannot look directly into this hidden domain. The shadow by nature is difficult to apprehend. It is dangerous, disorderly, and forever in hiding, as if the light of consciousness would steal its very life.

 

Prolific Jungian analyst James Hillman says: “The unconscious cannot be conscious; the moon has its dark side, the sun goes down and cannot shine everywhere at once, and even God has two hands. Attention and focus require some things to be out of the field of vision, to remain in the dark. One cannot look both ways.”

 

For this reason, we see the shadow mostly indirectly, in the distasteful traits and actions of other people, out there where it is safer to observe it. When we react intensely to a quality in an individual or group—such as laziness or stupidity, sensuality, or spirituality—and our reaction overtakes us with great loathing or admiration, this may be our own shadow showing. We project by attributing this quality to the other person in an unconscious effort to banish it from ourselves, to keep ourselves from seeing it within.

So the personal shadow contains undeveloped, unexpressed potentials of all kinds. It is that part of the unconscious that is complementary to the ego and represents those characteristics that the conscious personality does not wish to acknowledge and therefore neglects, forgets, and buries, only to discover them in uncomfortable confrontations

with others.

 

MEETING THE SHADOW

 

Although we cannot gaze at it directly, the shadow does appear in daily life. For example, we meet it in humor—such as dirty jokes or slapstick antics— which express our hidden, inferior, or feared emotions. When we observe closely that which strikes us as funny—such as someone slipping on a banana peel or referring to a taboo body part—we discover that the shadow is active. John Sanford points out that people who lack a sense of humor probably have a very repressed shadow. It’s usually the shadow self who laughs at jokes.

 

English psychoanalyst Molly Tuby suggests six other ways in which, even unknowingly, we meet the shadow every day:

• In our exaggerated feelings about others (“I just can’t believe he would do that!” “I don’t know how she could wear that outfit!”)

• In negative feedback from others who serve as our mirrors (“This is the third time you arrived late without calling me.”)

• In those interactions in which we continually have the same troubling effect on several different people (“Sam and I both feel that you have not been straightforward with us.”)

• In our impulsive and inadvertent acts (“Oops, I didn’t mean to say that.”)

• In situations in which we are humiliated (“I’m so ashamed about how he treats me.”)

• In our exaggerated anger about other people’s faults (“She just can’t seem to do her work on time!” “Boy, he really let his weight get out of control!”)

At moments like these, when we are possessed by strong feelings of shame or anger, or we find that our behavior is off the mark in some way, the shadow is erupting unexpectedly. Usually it recedes just as quickly, because meeting the shadow can be a frightening and shocking experience to our self-image.

For this reason we may quickly shift into denial, hardly noticing the murderous fantasy, suicidal thought, or embarrassing envy that could reveal a bit of our own darkness. The late psychiatrist R. D. Laing poetically describes the mind’s denial reflex:

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.

If the denial holds, as Laing says, then we may not even notice that we fail to notice. Depression, too, can be a paralyzing confrontation with the dark side, a contemporary equivalent of the mystic’s dark night of the soul. The inner demand for a descent into the underworld can be overridden by outer concerns, such as the need to work long hours, distractions by other people, or antidepressant drugs, which damp our feelings of despair. In this case, we fail to grasp the purpose of our melancholy.

Meeting the shadow calls for slowing the pace of life, listening to the body’s cues, and allowing ourselves time to be alone in order to digest the cryptic messages from the hidden world.

 

THE COLLECTIVE SHADOW

 

Today we are confronted with the dark side of human nature each time we open a newspaper or watch the evening news. The more repugnant effects of the shadow are made visible to us in a daily prodigious media message that is broadcast globally throughout our modern electronic village. The world has become a stage for the collective shadow.

 

The collective shadow—human evil—is staring back at us virtually everywhere: It shouts from newsstand headlines; it wanders our streets, sleeping in doorways, homeless; it squats in X-rated neon-lit shops on the peripheries of our cities; it embezzles our monies from the local savings and loan; it corrupts power-hungry politicians and perverts our systems of justice; it drives invading armies through dense jungles and across desert sands; it sells arms to mad leaders and gives the profits to reactionary insurgents; it pours pollution through hidden pipes into our rivers and oceans, and poisons our food with invisible pesticides.

While most individuals and groups live out the socially acceptable side of life, others seem to live out primarily the socially disowned parts. When they become the object of negative group projections, the collective shadow takes the form of scapegoating, racism, or enemy-making.

To anti-Communist Americans, the USSR is the evil empire. To Moslems, America is the great Satan. To Nazis, the Jews are vermin Bolsheviks. To ascetic Christian monks, witches arc in league with the devil. To South African advocates of apartheid or American members of the Ku Klux Klan, blacks are subhuman, undeserving of the rights and privileges of whites.

The hypnotic power and contagious nature of these strong emotions are evident in the universal pervasiveness of racial persecution, religious wars, and scapegoating tactics around the world. In these ways, human beings attempt to dehumanize others in an effort to ensure that they are wearing the white hats—and that killing the enemy does not mean killing human beings like themselves.

Throughout history the shadow has appeared via the human imagination as a monster, a dragon, a Frankenstein, a white whale, an extraterrestrial, or a man so vile that we cannot see ourselves in him; he is as removed from us as a gorgon. Revealing the dark side of human nature has been, then, one of the primary purposes of art and literature.

By using arts and media, including political propaganda, to imagine something as evil or demonic, we attempt to gain power over it, to break its spell. This may help explain why we are riveted to violent news stories of warmongers and religious fanatics. Repelled yet drawn to the violence and chaos of our world, in our minds we turn these others into the containers of evil, the enemies of civilization.

Like a society, each family also has its built-in taboos, its forbidden arenas. The family shadow contains all that is rejected by a family’s conscious awareness, those feelings and actions that are seen as too threatening to its self-image. In an upright Christian, conservative family this may mean getting drunk or marrying someone of another faith; in a liberal, atheistic family it may mean choosing a gay relationship. In our society, wife battering and child abuse used to be hidden away in the family shadow; today they have emerged in epidemic proportions into the light of day.

The dark side is not a recent evolutionary appearance, the result of civilization and education. It has its roots in a biological shadow that is based in our very cells. Our animal ancestors, after all, survived with tooth and claw. The beast in us is very much alive—just caged most of the time.

KNOW THYSELF

 

On the now-destroyed temple of Apollo at Delphi, which was built into the side of Mount Parnassus by the Greeks, the temple priests set into stone two famous inscriptions, precepts that still hold great meaning for us today. The first of these, “Know thyself,” applies broadly to our task. ‘Know all of yourself’ the priest of the god of light advised, which could be translated: ‘know especially the dark side’.

 

NOTHING TO EXCESS

 

We live in a time of critical excess: too many people, too much crime, too much exploitation, too much pollution, too many nuclear weapons. These are excesses that we can acknowledge and decry, though we may feel powerless to do anything about them.

Is there, in fact, anything we can do about them? For many people, the unacceptable qualities of excess go directly into the unconscious shadow, or they get expressed in shadowy behavior. In many of our lives these extremes take the form of symptoms: intensely negative feelings and actions, neurotic suffering, psychosomatic illnesses, depression, and substance abuse.

The scenarios might look like this: When we feel excessive desire, we push it into the shadow, then act it out without concern for others; when we feel excessive hunger, we push it into the shadow, then overeat, binge and purge, trashing our bodies; when we feel excessive longing for the high side of life, we push it into the shadow, then we seek it out through instant gratification or hedonistic activity such as drug and alcohol abuse. The list goes on. In our society, we see the growth of shadow excesses everywhere:

• In an uncontrolled power drive for knowledge and domination of nature (expressed in the amorality of the sciences and the unregulated marriage of business and technology).

• In a fast-paced, dehumanized workplace (expressed by the apathy of an alienated work force, and the hubris of success).

• In the maximization of business growth and progress.

• In a materialistic hedonism (expressed in conspicuous consumption, exploitative advertising, waste, and rampant pollution).

• In a desire to control our innately uncontrollable intimate lives (expressed in personal exploitation, manipulation of others, and abuse of women and children).

• And in our ever-present fear of death (expressed in an obsession with health and fitness, diet, drugs, and longevity at any price).

These shadowy aspects run the width and breath of our society. However, the tried solutions to our collective excess may be even more dangerous than the problem. Consider, for example, fascism and authoritarianism, the horrors that arose in reactionary attempts to contain social disorder and widespread decadence and permissiveness in Europe. More recently, the fervor of religious and political fundamentalism has reawakened in response to progressive ideas.

Jung understated the case when he said, “We have in all naiveté forgotten that beneath our world of reason another lies buried. I do not know what humanity will still have to undergo before it dares to admit this.”

 

IF NOT NOW, WHEN?

 

History records from time immemorial the plagues of human evil. Entire nations have been susceptible to being pulled into mass hysterias of vast destructive proportions. Today, with the apparent end of the cold war, there are some hopeful exceptions. For the first time, entire nations have become self-reflective and have tried to reverse direction. Consider this newspaper report, which speaks for itself (as cited by Jerome S. Bernstein in his book Power and Politics): The Soviet government announced that it was temporarily canceling all history examinations in the country. The Philadelphia Inquirer of June, 1988, reported:

The Soviet Union, saying history textbooks had taught generations of Soviet children lies that poisoned their “minds and souls,” announced yesterday that it had cancelled final history exams for more than 53 million students.

Reporting the cancellation, the government newspaper Hvestia said the extraordinary decision was intended to end the passing of lies from generation to generation, a process that has consolidated the Stalinist political and economic system that the current leadership wants to end.

… “The guilt of those who deluded one generation after another … is immeasurable,” the paper said in a front-page commentary. “Today we are reaping the bitter fruits of our own moral laxity. We are paying for succumbing to conformity and thus to giving silent approval of everything that now brings the blush of shame to our faces and about which we do not know how to answer our children honestly.”

This astounding confession by an entire nation could mark the end of an era.

Today the world moves in two apparently opposing directions: Some leap away from fanatic, others dig their feet in. We may feel helpless in the face of such great forces. Or, if we feel about such things at all, surely it must be the guilty conscience of unwitting complicity in our collective predicament. This bind was expressed accurately by Jung at mid-century: “The inner voice brings to consciousness whatever the whole— whether the nation to which we belong or humanity of which we are a part— suffers from. But it presents this evil in individual form, so that at first we would suppose all this evil to be only a trait of individual character.”

To protect us from the human evil which these mass unconscious forces can enact, we have only one weapon: greater individual awareness. If we fail to learn or fail to act on what we learn from the spectacle of human behavior, we forfeit our power as individuals to alter ourselves, and thus to save our world. Yes, evil will always be with us. But the consequences of unchecked evil do not need to be tolerated.

“A great change of our psychological attitude is imminent,” Jung said in 1959- “The only real danger that exists is man himself. He is the great danger, and we are pitifully unaware of it. We are the origin of all coming evil.”

Cartoonist Walt Kelly’s Pogo said it simply: “We have met the enemy and he is us.” Today, we can give renewed psychological meaning to the idea of individual power. The frontier for action in confronting the shadow is—as it always has been—in the individual.

 

OWNING THE SHADOW

 

The aim of meeting the shadow is to develop an ongoing relationship with it, to expand our sense of self by balancing the one-sidedness of our conscious attitudes with our unconscious depths.

Novelist Tom Robbins says, “The purpose in encountering the shadow is to be in the right place in the right way.” When we are in a proper relationship to it, the unconscious is not a demoniacal monster, as Jung points out. “It only becomes dangerous when our conscious attention to it is hopelessly wrong.”

A right relationship with the shadow offers us a great gift: to lead us back to our buried potentials. Through shadow-work, a term we coined to refer to the continuing effort to develop a creative relationship with the shadow, we can:

• achieve a more genuine self-acceptance, based on a more complete knowledge of who we are;

• defuse the negative emotions that erupt unexpectedly in our daily lives;

• feel more free of the guilt and shame associated with our negative feelings and actions;

• recognize the projections that color our opinion of others;

• heal our relationships through more honest self-examination and direct communication;

• and use the creative imagination via dreams, drawing, writing, and rituals to own the disowned self.

 

Perhaps … perhaps we can also, in this way, refrain from adding our personal darkness to the density of the collective shadow.

 

From: Howard Dunbar [mailto:yourcoach@telkomsa.net]
Sent: 18 August 2012 08:11 PM
To: 'Rooken Podesta'
Subject: RE: self esteem and self worth

 

I grappled with these two words for a long time, particularly in workshops where I would see facilitators link confidence and happiness with self-esteem. Here are some notes I’d made on the subject:

Leo Bogee, Jr. of Hawaii University says, “Self-worth is not self-esteem! Before defining self-worth, let's take a look at the definition of self-esteem. The World Book Dictionary, a Thorndike-Barnhart Dictionary, defines self-esteem as "thinking well of oneself; self-respect." The concept of someone having self-esteem was first conceived in the year 1657. It wasn't until 308 years later, 1965, that self-worth was recognized as a separate concept. Even today, many dictionaries still define self-worth as self-esteem.

If self-esteem is "thinking well of oneself," then what is esteem? Esteem is a very favourable opinion or high regard for someone or something. If someone has a very favourable opinion or high regard for someone else, then what is that esteem actually based on? The esteem is based on something someone has actually done. The person in question is being esteemed for their skills in acting, sports, politics, education, etc., or on anything that involved their ability to do something.

I view self-esteem as a measure of how well our physical or Human Self is able to perform or accomplish something. The esteem comes from sources OUTSIDE of ourselves. Although the term self-esteem implies we are esteeming ourselves, in actuality, the esteem is coming to us from another source. The criteria for esteem is determined by others. Our performance is measured against that criteria and the acknowledgment follows. The better our performance, the higher the esteem awarded to it. However, no matter how much esteem we receive based on our ability or our performance, we are not always able to accept it or to receive it.

You must be in the present to receive self-esteem.

 

For example: Someone has just received the highest award in their field of endeavour. They are publicly acknowledged in newspapers, magazines, and on television. They are invited as a guest on all the major TV Talk Shows, in other words, they are placed on top of the world. Then without any warning, this person who is the envy, role model, hero, or champion of millions of esteeming people, commits suicide.

How could they possibly do such a terrible thing? Their "self-esteem" was as high as it could possibly be and yet it didn't save them. This example is no longer the exception to the rule; it is the rule. How can that be true with all of the focus on self-esteem courses and programs? How can that be true with the flood of people being licensed in the psychiatric and psychological fields of medicine each year? The answer can be simply stated, but not simply understood. As matter of fact, the answer was stated in the opening paragraph. Self-worth is not self-esteem!

So, what is self-worth?

The World Book Dictionary defines self-worth as "a favourable estimate or opinion of oneself; self-esteem." The World Book Dictionary recognizes the distinction in concept, however, it does not recognize the distinction in meaning. I view self-worth as a measure of the availability of our Spirit or Being Self to believe in ourselves. Self-worth comes from a source on the INSIDE of us. We create it through Faith, by acting on the singular belief that we matter. Self-worth is the foundation of our ability to believe in ourselves.

Self-worth is the portal through which self-esteem is received.

Self-worth and self-esteem are vital beliefs for empowering oneself. A valid sense of self-worth is necessary in order to attain love, peace, joy, power, and a sound mind. A valid sense of self-worth precludes the possibility of committing suicide. Without self-worth, doubts and fears about our very existence will persist until they invalidate our dreams and vision, and undermine our greatest accomplishments. “

The bit I mentioned to you on Thursday Rooken, I came to understand through my own life. Self worth is predominantly developed within us by how our mothers’ respond to our feelings – the permissions as you put it. If they’re validated we tend to value and respond to our feeling needs, taking care of our feeling self without guilt or restraint – we’re worth it.

 

Later as we enter the world and society, our actions, performance, school and sport results are valued or esteemed by father – head of the house – and others. These are doing values as against being values, external as against internal and are incapable of developing lasting happiness, no matter what we achieve because of their source and co-dependent nature.

 

Hope this is what you wanted

 

With love

Howard

liberationfromthelie.comhttp://liberationfromthelie.com/2010/11/the-end-of-projection/

The End of Projection

Today’s post is Chapter 20 from my book Liberation from the Lie.

The End of Self-Identified Projection
Chapter 20 of Liberation from the Lie by Eric Gross

The Fear-Self is projection. The vitality of its projection varies from the intense and profoundly unstable to the extremely subtle, where it is all but invisible.
We cannot see how life really is unless we are able to see how we project our psychology onto life. Operating from the perspective of projection, we are ceaselessly reactive. Our sensed world is divided up into discrete categories of what serves our purpose (a very small percentage of what is actually sensed) and what does not serve our purpose (everything else). When we are dominated by projection, we are not open to authentic life. Instead, life is only what we experience through the filter of a Fear-Self.
Projection pulls us away from the now. Living in projection, we are sensitive only to the ceaseless press of a Fear-Self: “I must do this”; “I must do that”; “I must find things wrong”; “I must locate potential dangers.” The now, where everything actually happens, is overlooked. We know ourselves and our world only through projection.
Underneath all projections is the Wound. Projection organizes experience into crude categories of good and bad. Because it is predicated on an iron-hard belief in our own inadequacy, the purpose of projection is to discover opportunities to counter this belief. It is, in fact, projection that creates Fear-Selves and Fear-Selves that maintain the projection that gave them birth.
Let’s see how this operates. A Pleaser fears rejection (her Wound belief that she is worthless). Through projection, she categorizes people into those who help to counter this painful belief and those who do not. The latter group she hates because they threaten to bring attention to her Wound. She works tirelessly to produce opportunities to maintain and improve her standing in the “approved” community of “good” people and thus sustain distance from her Wound.
When we see through the Wound and the Fear-Selves, the power of our projection diminishes greatly. As it declines, our own authentic power fills the space. The Pleaser can finally take a rest from dividing people into friends and foes and living in terror of failing at her next public exhibition. What a relief that must be!
When the Body Person sees through his Wound and dominant Fear-Self, he can still be active and fit, but he is no longer haunted by his inevitable physical decline or other fears related to his appearance. He is free to be himself. For the first time he can have a good laugh at himself, and those around him can breathe a whole lot easier when his compulsive projections have relaxed their dark grip
The Loner can begin to re-engage with the raw vitality of life and stop being a slave to her fears. She can recognize and honor the power of her Wound, yet take steps to connect with people. At first, she might be tentative and guarded, but she no longer needs to flee. She may preserve her preference for aloneness, but now this preference is informed by understanding and compassion. It is no longer compulsive and desperate.

The relentless Achiever can stop and ask herself, do I really want to be doing all of this? Is this really me? What sacrifice am I making for my self-interested accomplishments? If I’m telling myself that I must do these things for the sake of my family, am I certain that is true? When the Achiever sees through her projections, she can finally take a long, languorous breath and start regaining her balance. Indeed, she might find that she truly loves what she is doing, but she is no longer driven by fear of failure or by compulsion. People around her can feel her transformation. Suddenly she is warm and vulnerable and capable of deeply connecting with others in her life. Even her dog greets her with more excitement when she returns home after a “not as long” day at the office.

Living life through our projections assures us that our insecurities will be maintained. This is a world of danger, where our survival as a worthy being is always in doubt. In direct contrast with the world of the hunter-gatherer, in the world of projections, trust, if it manifests at all, is a very fragile and tenuous commodity. The mind needs to constantly survey its small world for enemies and threats to its flimsy security. For many of us, this is the only way we know how to live.
Projection is like a fog that surrounds us with its distorted perspective on the world and life. It is the price we pay for our purported psychological protection. The consequence is a life lived with fear. It is toxic not only to ourselves but to everyone else in our life.

Projection is a ceaseless flight from projected fear. As it turns out, passing through our fear—a fear that we now can see to be an insubstantial phantom—is the only journey worth taking.

Key Point: Resistance to Projection
Projection is part of the interplay of the Wound and the Fear-Selves. It is never advisable to resist it or seek to stop it. Instead, we honor projection by understanding it as a sign of our Life Force. Seeing projection without getting involved in its voice or even allocating too much of our attention to it is the secret to seeing through it. A feeling of relaxation will naturally emerge as its grip on your identity is loosened.

Finding the Place of No Harm

Every Fear-Self is created to provide safety to a wounded image of one’s self. Thought ceaselessly spins stories of danger, and thus the Fear-Self is sustained throughout our lives.

A young child needs love and care. That is the full expression of their being. But when he is invalidated, a new element of being is created—the unwanted self. Of course, the unwanted self morphs into our more mature sense of inadequacy and insufficiency. The unwanted self is the Wound in the form of the injured personality.

As long as a baby or young child is received for its innate beingness, which is expressed as through unconditional love, support, and care, the “unwanted self” is not formed.

All of our Fear-Selves are adapted to counter identification with the unwanted self and make ourselves safe from harm. Yet here is the irony: We can only be harmed by something with which we identify. Our images of ourselves as an Achiever, a Tough Guy, a Pleaser, an Expert, a Body Person, a Spiritualist can and will be damaged. An image is always tenuous, not fully certain of itself, and often brittle. It is a belief set out into the world, and it will suffer all the wear and tear that the physical universe inflicts.
No matter how great the hurt, no matter how great the tribulation, there is always a part of us remains untouched. That is our authentic being. It needs no image. In fact, if we try to attach an image onto it, it is not possible! Our authentic self is not an image. Yet we seem to “know” only our images of ourselves and others. All Fear-Selves, no matter how refined they might be, are ultimately images.

The final knowing of one’s self is not a knowing at all. We can only trick ourselves into “knowing” something outside of our authentic being. Our authentic self can never be known. It can only be, no matter what else we do or is done to us in our lives.
That is why our authentic selves can never be harmed. We are absolutely 100% safe when all our false images are allowed to disperse and our authentic selves can finally live in the light of day.

When that happens, we are nothing and everything at the same moment, for no dividing line can be drawn between the authentic self and anything the mind labels as “other.”

Anything you are defensive about is an image! Observing your defenses is a great way to discover your false self-images. Nearly all of us are defensive about our bodies, our feelings, and our thoughts. They are, therefore, not our authentic selves. They are fake. The instant we identify with any image, thought, or feeling, we indulge in the fantasy of the falsely known self. We are not our bodies; we are not our thoughts; we are not our feelings. But while the body, thought, and feeling are not who you are, they are a part of you! It is a paradox.

The intensity of our defensiveness is also a mark of how identified we are with a particular image. That image is a marker of our dominant Fear-Self. Conversely, we most intensely engage with those invalidators who remind us of our original invalidators, especially our parents. If we are still seeking approval, we will find merit in their invalidation. If we are still hurting from our invalidation (and most of us are), we will very deeply resent them. These intense feelings sustain our identification with the Fear-Self. We are most ready to take offense with those we need most. Children need their parents, and often it is the parents who receive back the lovelessness they displayed many years ago.

The liberated person is all but indifferent from any form of attack on her image. She has discovered her true self and identifies with no image. This is the only place of sustainable and tangible safety. She is always safe and secure.

Note:

Terms like the “Fear-Self” and the “Wound”, as well as Fear-Self Types, like the Pleaser, the Loner, the Body Person, and the Achiever are described in detail in the full text. To find out more, please Liberation from the Lie at amazon.com.

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The The End of Projection by , unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

artofmanliness.comhttp://artofmanliness.com/2011/07/31/king-warrior-magician-lover-introduction/

by Brett on July 31, 2011 · 51 comments

in A Man's Life, On Manhood

The purpose of the Art of Manliness is to help men become better men. To that end, we often explore some of the problems unique to modern men and offer suggestions on actions they can take to overcome those problems. One problem that we discuss regularly on the site is that of the modern male malaise. Maybe you’ve experienced it: You feel restless and without a sense of purpose. You lack confidence in yourself as a man. You might be 20 or 30 or 40 years old, but you don’t feel like you’ve reached manhood.

A few weeks ago, we did a series called “The Five Switches of Manliness.” In it we made the case that within every man are psychological “switches” that must be turned on if a man wishes to activate his unique primordial masculine energy. The switches are how you power up the Wild Man within you and overcome the feelings of shiftlessness and male malaise that many men experience these days.

Another way of approaching the cure for the modern male malaise comes from the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, by Jungian psychologist Robert Moore and mythologist Douglas Gillette. Moore argues that masculinity is made up of four archetypal male energies which serve different purposes. All men, whether born in the U.S. or Africa, are born with these archetypal energies. The authors argue that to become a complete man, a man must work to develop all four archetypes. The result of striving to become complete is a feeling of manly confidence and purpose.

King, Warrior, Magician, Lover was originally published in 1990, and it has had a pretty big influence on masculinity in America. It, along with Robert Bly’s book, Iron John: A Book About Men, kick-started the mythopoetic men’s movement of the early 1990s. During this time, many men in America started attending men’s groups and weekend retreats where they would take part in rites of passage and discuss ancient myths to gain personal insights about what it means to be a man. You can still see the influence of King, Warrior, Magician, Lover in books like Wild at Heart or weekend men’s retreats like The ManKind Project.

Some of the ideas in KWML are of the New-Agey, sensitive pony-tail guy, sitting in drum circles in the woods type. Personally, that sort of approach doen’t appeal to me as a man. I know lots of men that get a lot out of that sort of thing. To each their own. Nonetheless, I still feel like I benefited a great deal from reading the book and putting into practice some of Moore and Gillette’s ideas.

Over the next few months, we’re going to be delving into the four masculine archetypes in KWML. We’ll explore what they are and how you can access them on your journey to becoming a better man.

A Short Primer on Jungian Psychology

Psychologist Carl Jung

Like much of the literature in the mythopoetic men’s movement, KWML is grounded in the psychology of Carl Jung, particularly in his idea of psychological archetypes. To understand the four archetypes of masculinity, it’s helpful to understand a bit about Jungian psychology. I could devote an entire post to Jung’s psychology, but I’ll keep this brief for our purposes.

Carl Jung was one of the early and most influential modern psychologists. Ever take one of those Myers-Briggs type indicator tests? Those were inspired by Jung’s idea of extroverted and introverted personalities. Have you ever heard somebody talk about the “collective unconscious?” That’s Jung, too.

From 1907 to 1913, Jung closely worked with and studied under the Father of Modern Psychology, Sigmund Freud. While the two shared many of the same ideas about the human mind, they had their differences. Jung agreed with Freud’s theory of the unconscious mind, but he thought Freud’s view was too negative and incomplete. Freud focused on the unconscious as the place in which people harbored and repressed negative emotions and deviant thoughts. Jung agreed that negative emotions were repressed in the unconscious, but he also felt that positive experiences, thoughts, and emotions could be held in the unconscious, too.

Jung also diverged from Freud’s theory of the unconscious by arguing that there was a second, even deeper unconscious mind existing in all human beings. Jung called the first level of unconscious (the one Freud also affirmed)  the “personal unconscious.”  The personal unconscious was created by personal experience.

The second level of the unconscious mind Jung called the “collective unconscious.” According to Jung, the collective unconscious consists of instinctual and universal thought patterns that humans developed over thousands of years of evolution. Jung called these primordial behavior blueprints “archetypes.” For Jung, archetypes form the foundation of all personal experience. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a sophisticated businessman living in a high-rise apartment in Manhattan or a bushman living in a hut in Africa; Jung would argue that no matter who you are, you have the same archetypal behaviors embedded within you.

Jung believed that these archetypes of human behavior came to the surface in the conscious mind through symbols, rituals, and myths. He argued these archetypical patterns explain why we see similar motifs and symbols in rituals and mythical stories across cultures. For example, the dying/resurrecting God figure can be found in the stories and myths of ancient Greeks, ancient Sumerians, Christians, and Native Americans.

Jung’s belief that the collective unconscious is reflected though symbols and ritual also likely explains his fascination with the mystical and esoteric. He was a serious student of fields like alchemy, astrology, dream interpretation, and tarot,  although not for their claimed ability to tell the future or to turn lead into gold. Rather, he explored these esoteric traditions because he believed they could help individuals tap into the collective unconscious and explore the archetypal behaviors that resided within.

Alright, so what are the archetypes that Jung believed existed in each person? While Jung suggested a number of universal archetypes, the four main ones are: the Self, the Shadow, the Animus and Anima, and the Persona. For the purpose of this article, I’m not going to go into detail on all four of these. If it’s something you’re interested in, I’d encourage you to investigate these archetypes on your own.

Before we move on, let’s be clear about something. Archetypes aren’t personality types. Jung didn’t think you could classify a person as a specific archetype. A man can’t take a test to tell him that he’s a “Shadow.” Rather, the archetypes are simply patterns of behavior and thought, or “energies” that can be found in all people in varying degrees.

The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover

Psychologist Robert Moore took the concept of Jung’s archetypes and used it to create a framework that explained the development of mature and integral masculinity in men. Moore argued that the problems we see with men today–violence, shiftlessness, aloofness–are a result of modern men not adequately exploring or being in touch with the primal, masculine archetypes that reside within them. Like Jung, Moore believed that men and women possess both feminine and masculine archetypal patterns–this is the anima (feminine) and animus (masculine).

The problem with modern men is that Western society suppresses the animus or masculine archetype within them and instead encourages men to get in touch with their “softer side” or their anima. Moore would argue that there’s nothing wrong with men developing those softer, more nurturing and feminine behaviors. In fact, he would encourage it. A problem only arises when the development of the feminine comes at the expense of the masculine.

According to Moore, masculine psychology is made up of four major archetypes: King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover. In order for a man to achieve mature masculine strength and energy, he must be in touch with all four.

The Structure of the Archetypes

Moore argues that each male archetype consists of three parts: the full and highest expression of the archetype and two bi-polar dysfunctional shadows of the archetype. To better understand this, Moore portrays each archetype as a triangle. Here’s an example of the King archetype thusly illustrated:

The King Archetype

The bottom corners of the triangle represent the bi-polar shadow-split in the archetypal Self. The goal of each man, according to Moore, is to reconcile and integrate these two bi-polar shadows in order to attain the fullest expression of the archetype as represented at the top of the triangle.

Moreover, each archetype has a mature and immature form. Moore calls the mature forms of the masculine archetypes “Man Psychology” and the immature forms “Boy Psychology.” The mature masculine archetypes are the four we’ve already mentioned: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. The immature, boyhood archetypes are the Divine Child, the Hero, the Precocious Child, and the Oedipal Child. Each of these immature archetypes have the same tripartite configuration as the mature archetypes. They all have their highest and fullest expression along with their two bi-polar dysfunctional shadows.

Before a boy can access the King archetype he must develop the Divine Child; before he can access the Warrior archetype, he must develop the Hero archetype. And so on and so forth.

Whew. That’s a lot to chew on and digest. It sounds complicated, but I think if you see Moore’s idea of the four masculine archetypes and the development from immature to mature masculinity in a diagram, it’s actually pretty easy to understand (Click the image to zoom in):

Over the next few months, we’ll be taking a look at each of the four archetypes and providing suggestions on how you can develop them more fully in your own life. Here’s a roadmap of what we have coming ahead:

• Boyhood Archetypes

• The King Archetype

• The Warrior Archetype

• The Magician Archetype

• The Lover Archetype

• How to Access the Archetypes

Like I said at the beginning of the post, Moore’s four masculine archetypes aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of joe. Some of his thoughts and ideas are sort of out there. However, I’d encourage you to keep an open mind about this stuff. Why? Well, first, I think it’s useful and just plain interesting to learn about an idea that has had a big influence on masculinity in America.

Second, the KWML framework is a useful tool to help you become a better man. While I don’t agree with everything that Moore lays out in KWML, I’ve personally found this framework useful in exploring and developing the mature masculine within myself. Maybe you will, too.

While being a man ultimately comes down to outwardly putting right principles into real action, those actions must come from a mature and healthy inner place, and these ideas, when thoughtfully reflected upon, can help get you pointed in the right direction as you seek to become the best man you can be.

I’d recommend getting a copy of the book so you can follow along as we go through the archetypes, as it will let you get more in-depth if your curiosity is piqued. Plus, I’d love to hear the insights you’ve gleaned while reading.

Related Posts

1. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The Lover

2. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The King

3. The Four Archetypes of Mature Masculinity: The Boyhood Archetypes (Part I)

4. The Four Archetypes of Mature Masculinity: The Boyhood Archetypes (Part II)

artofmanliness.comhttp://artofmanliness.com/2011/10/04/the-four-archetypes-of-the-mature-masculine-the-lover/

This is the third part of a series on the archetypes of mature masculinity based on the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading the introduction to the series first. Also, keep in mind that these posts are a little more esoteric than our normal fare, and are meant to be contemplated and thoughtfully reflected upon.

In our previous articles in this series, we focused on the archetypes of boy psychology. Today we take a look at the first archetype of the mature masculine: the Lover.

I originally planned on following how the book orders the archetypes by starting off with the King and finishing with the Lover. But Will, a longtime AoM Community member, suggested that I swap their places. Why? Because according to Moore and other Jungians, each archetype powers up at certain phases in a man’s life. The Lover (as we’ll soon see) is the archetype of youthful idealism and excitement and is usually the first of the archetypes to develop in a man. The King archetype usually power ups last and is a culmination of the other archetypes.

I thought this was a good approach, so that’s what I’ll be doing.  Thanks Will!

With that said, let’s get started analyzing the Lover archetype.

The Lover in His Fullness

When you hear the word “lover” you probably think of romance and sex.

But there are many types of love–a love for family, for friends, for God, and for life itself–and the Lover archetype passionately seeks after them all.

The Lover is the archetype of emotion, feeling, idealism, and sensuality. Like the word “lover,” sensuality is often exclusively associated with sex but really has a far broader application. Being sensual means opening up and using all of your senses in all areas of your life–touching, tasting, smelling, hearing, and seeing–or in other words–experiencing as many dimensions of life as possible, as often as possible.

Thus, when a man taps into the Lover archetype’s energy, he feels alive with vim and vigor and connected to the world and those around him. A man in touch with the Lover archetype feels deeply, whether those feelings are of joy or pain.

The Lover is attuned to the mysterious forces underlying our everyday existence; this is the archetype that fuels a man’s spirituality, and the one in which the Muses reside. When we get those flashes of inspiration or sparks of creativity, that’s Lover energy manifesting itself in our lives. A man who takes time to develop this archetype will experience those hunches, insights, and premonitions more frequently than men who don’t.

A man who has fully developed the Lover archetype in his life is also often adept at reading people and social cues. He’s empathetic with others and understands how to get along and connect with a wide variety of people.

Because the Lover is so alive and sensual, he enjoys all of life’s pleasures, whether it be good food and drink, beautiful art, or gorgeous women. This is the archetype that spurs our appetites. But these hungers aren’t just for “baser” pleasures like sex and food, but for a life of meaning and purpose. And in seeking the freedom to passionately pursue these ends, the Lover can see limits and rules as constraining.

This is why the Lover archetype has a unique relationship to the other three archetypes of mature masculinity. While the Lover’s energy seeks to be boundless, the King, Warrior, and Magician archetypes provide a man with structure and discipline. Thus the Lover’s passion fuels and powers these three life forces, and in turn, they channel and harness the Lover’s energy in a healthy way and towards worthy goals.

You can find the Lover archetype in myths and rituals that span culture and time. The Greek god Dionysus presents perhaps the most salient example. Dionysus was the god of wine, merriment, art, passion, and sex. His followers believed that when a man became so overcome with emotion that he appeared mad, Dionysus was to blame. The yearly festival held in his honor each spring was a ritual inspired by the Lover archetype: lots of drinking, lots of dancing, lots of theater, and lots of sex.

A modern story that exemplifies the Lover archetype is Zorba the Greek. Zorba is a man who lives life fully. He’s earthy. He loves good food and drink. He dances his heart out. Zorba understands that for a man to be truly free, he needs to have a deep emotional life; he needs a little madness:

That’s a man who has a healthy dose of the Lover archetype in his life.

The Lover archetype is usually the first that develops in a man. Look at most young men and you see that they’re often ruled by the passionate Lover archetype. They’re looking for new and exciting endeavors, they develop intense romantic and sexual relationships, and they’re filled with youthful idealism. Their experiences are marked by an acute intensity.

The Shadows

Remember that each archetype has both a pinnacle, which represents the fullness of the archetype, and a bi-polar shadow split.  These shadows are the result of the archetype not being integrated into a man in a healthy and coherent way. The two shadows of the Lover archetype are the Addicted Lover and the Impotent Lover.

The Addicted Lover

If the other archetypes do not harness the Lover’s energy, the Addicted Lover shadow can result.

A man possessed by the Addicted Lover is, as Moore puts it, “eternally restless.” He’s forever searching for that one thing, person, or experience that will make him feel truly alive. But whether it’s because he has overinflated expectations, or because he doesn’t even know what he’s searching for in the first place, the vague hunger that endlessly hounds him is never satisfied.

The Addicted Lover falls in love with every girl he dates, and then wallows in despair when she dumps him. He’s constantly getting ideas for inventions or businesses that will make him rich, but he never works at them long enough to get them off the ground. His apartment is cluttered with junk he bought on a whim and never used. His passport is filled with stamps, but he doesn’t feel any happier than we he left home to travel the world.

The Addicted Lover is a collector–of experiences, possessions, or women. But without any structure, any overarching life philosophy to connect the things he collects, his life feels fragmentary instead of whole. Without a channel through which to run, the Lover’s energy dissipates into a million directions.

The flip side of this shadow is the man who takes all of the Lover’s energy and focuses it on one thing. He can become so obsessed with the objects of his desire that instead of bringing joy, they bring destruction and ruin. Perhaps you know a man who became so involved in a vice, a project, or even a hobby that it ruined him financially and destroyed his relationships. That was a man possessed by the Addicted Lover.

I think Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby (my favorite book, by the way), is a perfect example of a man possessed by the Addicted Lover. He longs for the wealthy Daisy Buchanan for his entire life. He’s addicted to the idea of being with Daisy and spends his life amassing a fortune through criminal activity just so he can be with her. But in the end, Daisy disappoints Gatsby. The real Daisy didn’t match the fantasy of her that Gatsby had obsessed about for years. If you read the book, you know what happens to ol’ Jay Gatsby in the end. Lesson learned: being possessed by the Addicted Lover leads to ruin.

The Impotent Lover

The Impotent Lover shadow arises when a man is out of touch with the Lover archetype in its fullness. While the Lover in his fullness sees the world in vivid colors and textures, the Impotent Lover only sees gray. Men dogged by the Impotent Lover archetype feel depressed, flat, and dead inside. Nothing brings them joy anymore. They’ve lost their passion for life. Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, struggle and falter for the man possessed by the Impotent Lover. Libido is non-existent in these men, as is their sex life.

While the Addicted Lover does not give himself enough structure, the Impotent Lover can arise in a man who disciplines himself too much. This is often the case with devoutly religious men, who, going far beyond the admonishments of their faith, laden themselves with overly prudish rules, and feel shame when “indulging” in life’s pleasures. The energy of the Lover archetype builds up behind this dam of limits, and without a healthy channel to pursue, sooner or later it bursts forth in destructive ways, like addiction to porn. The Impotent Lover becomes the Addicted Lover.

Accessing the Lover Archetype

According to Moore, the Lover is the most repressed and stunted archetype in men today. Men in the West aren’t encouraged to be “in touch with their feelings.” As men, we’re supposed to be coolly detached from anything and anybody. But the great men in history understood that emotion, properly harnessed, is what drives greatness. The ancient Greeks called this passion for life thumos. It’s a fire in the belly that propels a man to do great deeds.

So accessing the Lover archetype is vital to our success as men. But how do we do it?

The easiest way to tap into the Lover archetype is to take more time to really enjoy the stuff that brings you pleasure in life. The Addicted Lover is forever looking for the high that will last indefinitely. When he takes the first “hit” of something–whether a new drug, a new place, a new lover, or a new car–his brain lights up with pleasure. But our brains quickly get used to the same stimuli, and each additional hit brings diminishing returns. So the Addicted Lover will then take a bigger hit of the stimulus in order to feel the same pleasure he got the first time he tried it. But he’ll quickly get used to that “dose” too. And soon the Addicted Lover is stuck in a destructive cycle–restlessness and dissatisfaction plague him.

The answer to short-circulating this cycle and tapping into the Lover energy in a healthy way is something we have talked about a few times before: cultivating the virtue of moderation and being fully present in your life.

Instead of reaching for more, you stop to experience the things you already have and do in a deeper way, using all of your senses. You turn life’s little everyday activities into indulgent, pleasure-inducing rituals.

For example, do you like drinking coffee? Create a slow, relaxing, coffee-drinking experience for yourself a couple times a week. Take a whiff of the beans before you grind them, carefully create your brew in a French press, pour it into a mug you love, and slowly sip it on the porch, really enjoying the flavor.

Chew your food slowly and really taste the flavors. Enjoy touching and kissing your woman’s skin instead of just immediately getting down to the deed, take a walk after a rain shower and breathe in that fresh smell. Remember, the Lover experiences as much of life as possible, with as many senses as possible.

Another way to access the Lover is to take part in a hobby you’re passionate about, particularly ones that involves artistic skills or craftsmanship. Make it a priority in your schedule to spend time on that hobby. It doesn’t matter how silly it is. As long as it gives you joy, and offers you a creative outlet, do it.

A man seeking access to the Lover archetype should also make reading a lifelong habit. Immerse yourself in literature and writings on a variety of subjects to stimulate your brain and provide it with something to ponder other than whether to have a ham or turkey sandwich for lunch. Seeking knowledge will spur the Lover’s capacity for imagination and inspiration.

Spend time outdoors–hiking and camping. Nature helps you get in touch with the mysterious forces of life.

And of course you can access the Lover archetype by taking time for romance. Plan a surprise date for your wife or girlfriend. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. And don’t just stop there. Write your woman love letters or, if you’re feeling particularly inspired, a love poem. Boom. Instant Lover access.

In addition to the above suggestions, Moore also provides a few techniques to access all the mature masculine archetypes more fully in our lives. These techniques require what Moore calls active imagination. 

Moore suggests admiring and learning about men who exemplify each archetype. For the Lover, you can read biographies and study the work of great artists you admire. Maybe you can spend a month studying the life of Leonardo da Vinci. Or if you’re a Hemingway fan, read all of Papa’s novels.

A final technique to access the archetypes in your life is to “act as if” you’re already accessing the archetype in your life. It’s the old “fake it until you make it” philosophy espoused by Aristotle. If you feel as if the Impotent Lover has taken control of your psyche and you’ve lost your vim and vigor, act as if you were passionate for life and were accessing the Lover archetype fully.  If art never really interested you, force yourself to visit a museum and really look at the art. Act as if you’re really interested and pretty soon you might find yourself no longer having to pretend.

Tagged as: KWML

Related Posts

1. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: Introduction

2. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The King

3. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The Warrior

4. The Four Archetypes of Mature Masculinity: The Boyhood Archetypes (Part I)

artofmanliness.comhttp://artofmanliness.com/2011/10/23/the-four-archetypes-of-the-mature-masculine-the-warrior/

by Brett & Kate McKay on October 23, 2011 · 54 comments

in A Man's Life, On Manhood

This is the fourth part of a series on the archetypes of mature masculinity based on the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading the introduction to the series first. Also, keep in mind that these posts are a little more esoteric than our normal fare, and are meant to be contemplated and thoughtfully reflected upon.

Every great civilization has a great warrior tradition and accompanying warrior myths. The Old Testament recounts the stories of a warrior people and a warrior God. In the ancient Mediterranean, the Spartans had perhaps the most legendary warrior tradition. From birth, Spartan society nurtured and trained their boys to become warriors, and that rigorous training created men like Leonidas and his 300 men of unconquerable spirit. Japan had their fearless samurai warriors whose undaunted courage came from living life as if they were already dead.

Today the Warrior archetype lives on in our reverence for those who serve in the armed forces and in modern books and movies. William Wallace from Braveheart and General Maximus from Gladiator embody the Warrior archetype.

But in general, modern culture is not comfortable with Warrior energy. The advent of mechanized warfare during the first half of the 20th century dampened the romantic ideal of martial courage. Since the social and cultural revolutions of the 60s and 70s, we’ve generally taught boys and men to avoid confrontation and conflict and to instead nurture their “feminine side.” The result is the Nice Guy; the man who will avoid confrontation and aggression even when confrontation and aggression are justified.

Society pushes men to be sweet and sensitive, because they fear them becoming coldly stoic, abusive, and destructively angry. But society’s perception of the Warrior archetype is not based on the Warrior energy in its full, healthy manifestation, but on the archetype’s shadows. The problem is not Warrior energy itself, but Warrior energy that is not used in harmony with the other masculine archetypes and directed by empathy, contemplation, and order. Fighting itself is not bad, the question is simply: What is a man fighting for? The Warrior’s energy is needed not only in times of war, but on all the battlefields of life.

Properly tapping into the Warrior’s energy provides a man with an unsurpassable power source which will fuel him to reach his goals, fight for worthy causes, achieve greatness, and leave a lasting legacy.

The Warrior in His Fullness

Moore says that “The characteristics of the Warrior in his fullness amount to a total way of life, what the samurai called a do (pronounced ‘do’). These characteristics constitute the Warrior Dharma, Ma’at, or Tao, a spiritual or psychological path through life.”

What are these characteristics? Let’s take a look.

Note: While here we use the language of the martial warrior, the characteristics can be applied to any man’s life mission, whether civilian or true solider.

Aggressive

If you look up the word “aggressive” in the dictionary, these are the definitions you’ll find:

1. characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing

2. making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive

3. vigorously energetic, especially in the use of initiative and forcefulness

Of the three definitions, the first is most popular in modern culture. Something unprovoked, out of line. Notice how often “overly” precedes “aggressive” in common parlance. Aggression may also bring to mind military policies a person does not agree with. In general it has a negative connotation.

But true aggression should be thought of in the context of the second two dictionary entries. Effort. Energy. Initiative. Force. Aggression is a neutral tool that can be harnessed for either ill or good. How it is channeled makes all the difference. A man who does not harness his aggression at all picks a fight with everyone and about everything; his relationships fail and he is stunted in his personal development. The man who reins in his aggression too much becomes the stereotypical weenie Nice Guy–proper aggression turns into passive aggression. He is too “polite” to go after what he wants, and he’s seething inside because of it. A man who has successfully integrated the Warrior archetype harnesses his aggression as the force that pushes him to compete to be the best and moves him ever forward towards his goals.

Purpose

Of course that proper use of aggression presupposes that a man has goals that he’s striving towards in the first place. A man has to have a clear and definite purpose in life, or he will feel lost and restless, like he is drifting along instead of marching ahead.

Mindful

The mindfulness of the Warrior is two-fold. First, he is always alert and awake, ever vigilant. He has keen situational awareness. He never lets complacency lull him to sleep; instead, he is always watching, observing, studying, and planning. Secondly, the Warrior is mindful of the finiteness of life and the inevitably of death, and he purposefully contemplates that death. His courage is rooted in the fact that he is not afraid to die. Life’s shortness brings clarity to his mind. He knows that any minute could be his last so he makes every day and decision count. Carpe diem! becomes his battle cry.

Adaptable

During the Revolutionary War, the Continental Army knew that it could not match the man and fire power of the British. So instead of facing them down on a field for a traditional battle, the minutemen took to the woods and launched surprise hit and run attacks on the enemy. This is the way of the Warrior; he is a guerrilla fighter. When he’s up against great odds, he bucks convention and uses his cleverness and his strategic intelligence to find creative ways to turn the tide in his favor. He is an efficient fighter–he studies the weaknesses of his opponents and concentrates his strikes there. He is flexible and able to respond to change by shifting tactics on the fly.

Minimalist

The key to successful guerrilla warfare is the fighter’s ability to travel light. While the traditional force has power in its superior resources, those resources also weigh and slow them down. The guerrilla fighter strips away all superfluities and excess baggage; he carries only what he needs and is thus quick and nimble, able to be two steps ahead of the enemy.

Decisive

In times of peace or crisis, whether for big things or small, the Warrior is able to boldly make decisions. He doesn’t stand there shilly-shally, wondering what he should do, scared of choosing the wrong option. He is calm and cool under pressure. Once he makes a decision, he unhesitatingly moves on it because he does not live in regret. The Warrior is able to be so decisive because he trains so thoroughly for these moments; he is prepared. He thinks about all possible contingencies and what he would do in each situation before the crisis arrives. When the crisis does come, his mind and body already instinctively know what to do.

Skillful

Part of the Warrior’s confidence in his decisions is rooted in his supreme competence. Accordingly to Moore, “The Warrior’s energy is concerned with skill, power, and accuracy.” The Warrior “has absolute mastery of the technology of his trade…the technology that enables him to reach his goal. He has developed skill with the ‘weapons’ he uses to implement his decisions.”

Loyal

If you remember, the Hero is the boyhood archetype which matures into the Warrior archetype. Part of this maturation process centers on a shift in a man’s loyalties. Moore argues that “The Hero’s loyalty…is really to himself–to impressing himself with himself and to impressing others.” The Warrior’s loyalties, on the other hand, “are to something beyond and other than himself and his own concerns.” The Warrior’s loyalty centers on “a cause, a god, a people, a task, a nation–larger than individuals.” The Warrior has a “central commitment” around which he organizes his life. His life’s purpose is rooted in ideals and principles, which naturally strips away superfluities and pettiness and brings his life great meaning.

Disciplined

The Warrior has mastered himself in body and mind. His power is rooted in self-control. He knows when to be aggressive and how aggressive to be.  He is the master of his energies, releasing them and pulling them back as he chooses. He decides the attitude he will take in a certain situation, instead of letting the situation dictate how he feels. Unlike the boyhood Hero archetype, the Warrior understands his limits; he takes calculated instead of unnecessary risks. His discipline also frees him of a fear of pain. Feeble, mediocre men believe all pain is bad. The Warrior knows there is bad pain and good pain. He is willing, even eager to withstand psychological and physical pain on the path to his goals. He’s the kind of man who subscribes to the “pain is just weakness leaving the body” philosophy; he relishes difficulty because it makes him stronger.

Emotionally Detached

Not all the time, but when he is in Warrior mode. To complete his mission, the Warrior must be emotionally detached–from the fear and doubt generated by his own feelings, from the intimidation emanating from his enemy, and from the “shoulds” and demands put on him by friends and family. The Warrior needs the kind of mental clarity that only comes from single-minded purpose, or as Moore puts it, “The Warrior needs room to swing his sword.”

Switching off that emotional detachment when away from the mission represents the great challenge for the Warrior. The inability to do so can result in one of the Warrior’s shadows.

Creative Destroyer

The Warrior is the archetype of destruction. However, the Warrior in his fullness only destroys in order to “make room for something new and fresh and more alive.” His is an act of creative destruction–he doesn’t tear things down simply for the pleasure of doing so. We call upon the Warrior archetype when we quit bad habits and replace them with better ones or when we get rid of people in our lives who bring us down and surround ourselves with people who edify.

The Shadows

The Sadist. As just discussed, men in touch with the Warrior archetype have the ability to detach themselves from emotions and human relationships. While detachment provides a man with much needed focus on important tasks, when it becomes a man’s permanent state, the Sadist shadow controls a man’s psyche.

This is why soldiers, who have a mission-minded attitude while on deployment, can find it very difficult to adjust to life back home and find their place in their families, which are based on emotional needs and currents–the stuff the solider has been used to setting aside. The mission-focused life freed him from human pettiness–and returning to it can be grating. This is also true of lawyers, ministers, doctors, politicians, and other men who may be married to their job–shifting from mission-mode to domestic-mode can be difficult for them.

As the name implies, the Sadist can be cruel, even to those most vulnerable. He disdains the weak. A commanding officer in the Army may try to rigidly run his family in the same way that he led his troops. The Sadist creates unattainably high standards for himself and those around him. When a child comes home with a less than perfect grade, a father influenced by the Sadist will put her down and berate her mercilessly. A man with positive Warrior energy would have kindly shown disappointment, but then offered to help his daughter study for the next exam so she could ace it.

The Sadist’s disgust at weakness is linked to the boyhood Hero archetype. The Hero tries to break away from his mother and from feminine energy in general as he seeks to become his own man. But adult men who are still insecure about being “man enough” project this insecurity onto others. He hates what he fears is within himself.

According to Moore, men possessed by the Sadist also tend to be workaholics. They’re the men who take pride in working all night at the office and coming home at 7AM, only to leave for the office again an hour later. They’ll choose work at the expense of health and even family. They take the Warrior’s comfort with pain to an extreme and grind it out to get to the top. But they’re doing it because they really don’t know what they want out of life, and constantly working distracts them from this fact. Once they do reach the top, they often feel empty, lost, and bitter. But many Sadists simply burn out before they even get there.

The Masochist. The Masochist is the passive shadow in the tripartite Warrior archetype, and its attributes closely parallel those of the boyhood Hero archetype’s cowardly shadow. A man possessed by the Masochist feels he is powerless. He is a push-over who has no personal boundaries and will let others walk all over him. He may hate his job or the relationship he’s in and complain about it, but instead of quitting, cutting his losses and moving on, he digs in and tries harder to be who his boss or girlfriend wants him to be and takes even more abuse. Because while he might complain about the pain, he really likes it. This is the man who enjoys being the martyr.

An archetype’s bi-polar shadows often work together against a man. Men under the Masochist’s influence will take the disrespect others dish out without fighting back or asserting themselves. Then one day something, maybe a criticism from his wife, pushes him over the edge and he “explodes with sadistic verbal [and sometimes even] physical abuse.”

How to Access the Warrior Archetype

Many men today lack Warrior energy. They’ve been told all their lives that aggression is bad and they should just work on being be “nice guys.” But if there’s anything the world needs today, it’s men in touch with the Warrior archetype. It’s the energy that propels men to dare greatly and to fight for a worthy cause. So what can we do to access this positive Warrior energy?

Watch movies about great warriors. Yeah, it’s cliche, but it works. They don’t necessarily have to be war movies. Any film that showcases men with the warrior spirit will do. Here are a few of my favorite warrior movies. I’d love to read yours:

• Braveheart

• Gladiator

• The Seven Samurai

• Last of the Mohicans

• Shane

• Glory

• Patton

Read biographies about great warriors. Also, dig into writings like those of Marcus Aurelius (the ultimate philosopher-warrior).

Take up boxing or another martial art. 

Do something that scares you. 

Work on becoming more decisive.

Meditate. Especially on death.

Quit shoulding on yourself. The Warrior is able to detach himself from the opinions of others in order to carry out his mission.

Find your core values.

Have a plan and purpose for your life.

Boost your adaptability by strengthening your resilience.

Study and practice the skills necessary for completing your goals. Whether that’s marksmanship, computer programming, or being charismatic, become a master of your trade.

Find the principles that you’re loyal to.

Establish some non-negotiable, unalterable terms (or N.U.Ts) and live by them. 

Compete in a race like the Warrior Dash. It’s got the word warrior right in the name!

Strengthen your discipline by establishing habits and daily routines.

Adopt a minimalist philosophy. Declutter your life. Simplify your diet. Get out of debt.

Tagged as: K, KWML

Related Posts

1. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: Introduction

2. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The Lover

3. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The King

4. The Four Archetypes of Mature Masculinity: The Boyhood Archetypes (Part II)

The all-new Cadillac ATS vs The Wind

artofmanliness.comhttp://artofmanliness.com/2012/01/17/the-four-archetypes-of-the-mature-masculine-the-king/

by Brett on January 17, 2012 · 29 comments

in A Man's Life, On Manhood

This is the sixth and final part of a series on the archetypes of mature masculinity based on the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading the introduction to the series first. Also, keep in mind that these posts are a little more esoteric than our normal fare, and are meant to be contemplated and thoughtfully reflected upon.

The King archetype is the most important of the four mature masculine archetypes. Just as a good king in mythological stories is often something of a Renaissance man–a good warrior, magician, and lover–the King archetype incorporates the other three mature masculine archetypes in perfect harmony. A man who accesses the King archetype in its fullness will also have accessed the Warrior, Magician, and Lover archetypes. For this reason, the King archetype is typically the last of the mature masculine archetypes to power up in a man’s life. In this way, it is truly the crown of the other archetypes, the energy that gives a man a sense of his full, godlike potential.

The Characteristics of the King in His Fullness

He is centered. 

Throughout history, cultures have often placed the king at the center of the universe. From him radiated all of existence. If you look at how ancient civilizations laid out their cities, we often see that the dwelling place of the king or leader sat at the center.

In addition to serving as the geographic center of his realm, the ancient king also represented its spiritual center as well. He was the intermediary between heaven and earth. Through his divine powers, the king brought order to the universe by reconciling opposite forces. Myths abound of kings battling evil demonic creatures and establishing order in chaos.

When a man is living the King archetype in its fullness, he feels that same centering power within himself. Not that he believes the world revolves around him, but rather that his confidence, purpose, and well-being give him a supreme sense of balance. Even when the world around him becomes chaotic, he remains cool, calm, and collected. He acts, rather than reacts. He’s the rock in crisis. A man fully engaged with positive King energy is completely present as a man. Because of his position at the center of things, he can survey everything that is going on, soak it all in, and then take a broad view of things. This overarching perspective allows him to remain immovable in the face of the passing and superficial.

He is decisive.

The King is the executive of the other archetypes, and as such, is charged with making decisions. His ability to be decisive is rooted in two things. First, who he is and what he stands for; the King’s core values are centered on firm and unchanging principles. So when a crisis comes, he does not waver because he has already determined the course he will take. Secondly, the King seasons his decisions with experience. His experiences provide him with practical wisdom: the knowledge of how to do the right thing, at the right time, for the right reasons.

He lives with integrity.

The word integrity is related to the roots of words like “integrate” and “entire.” In Spanish it is rendered “integro,” meaning whole. Integrity thus implies the state of being complete, undivided, intact, and unbroken. Integrity is really the bond that holds a man’s other virtues together; it is the mark of a man who has successfully integrated all good principles. His life is a unified whole.

The King has not only integrated all the other archetypes, but seeks this wholeness in other areas of his life as well. He mends broken relationships, keeps his word, acts with honesty, and takes responsibility for his actions. He is who he says he is; he doesn’t have one set of principles for Sundays and one for the rest of the week.

He protects his realm.

Historically, one of the king’s primary functions was to protect his dominion. When enemy forces encroached on his territory, a king would act with wrathful aggressiveness. Even today, we look to our leaders as protectors. The President of the United States is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces, charged with the responsibility of protecting our nation’s security.

While a man might not be a leader of a country, he certainly has his own realms he’s responsible for protecting–whether that protection be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. If you’re married with children, your home is a realm, a place you want to make a refuge from negative influences. The department you’re responsible for at work is another sphere where you work to protect your employees from in-fighting, mediocrity, and layoffs. And your own psyche and personal boundaries are sovereignties that you must protect and defend with zeal.

Whatever your realms may be, when you’re accessing the King archetype in its fullness, you do what you have to in order to protect them, and this often requires accessing the aggressiveness of the Warrior archetype.

He provides order.

Throughout history, Kings have been lawgivers. The first, and perhaps most famous of these king/lawgivers was the ancient Babylonian king, Hammurabi. His code represents one of history’s first written sets of laws. These laws touched on all areas of life for ancient Mesopotamians, including trade, religion, and military service. Other famous king/lawgivers include Solon of ancient Athens, Lycurgus of ancient Sparta, and Moses (while technically not a king, Moses was a leader of the ancient Hebrews).

Just as these ancient kings provided order to their respective societies, so too does a man accessing the King archetype establish order in his own life and in the lives of those around him. We see the King manifest itself in us when we establish rules, guidelines, and principles for others to follow. A man accessing positive King energy doesn’t create rules just so he can reap the satisfaction of watching people obey him. Rather, his rules provide the structure that allows other people to flourish. Figuring out how to create rules that help instead of hinder people’s progress requires the kind of thoughtful reflection that comes from accessing the Magician archetype.

To completely integrate the King archetype into our lives, it isn’t enough to tell others how they should live; a man must also live by those same edicts himself. Before we can provide order for others, we ourselves must become men of discipline. As General George S. Patton told his son:

“Soldiers, all men in fact, are natural hero worshipers. Officers with a flare for command realize this and emphasize in their conduct, dress and deportment the qualities they seek to produce in their men. When I was a second lieutenant I had a captain who was very sloppy and usually late yet he got after the men for just those faults; he was a failure.”

He creates and inspires creativity in others. 

According to Moore, mythological kings were often associated with fertility and creation. Many ancient cultures believed that their king’s ability to procreate determined the fate of their crops. If the king was lusty, virile, and siring numerous progeny, the harvest would be bountiful.

But we don’t have to father an entire football team in order to access the King archetype. Whenever we take part in any act of creation, whether it be writing a song, starting a business, or yes, becoming a dad, the King archetype is manifesting itself in our lives.

To fully integrate the King in our lives, however, we must inspire creativity in others as well. A man who is accessing the King archetype understands that his power and influence in the world increases as he empowers others to live to their fullest potential.

He blesses the lives of others.

“The good king delighted in noticing and promoting good men to positions of responsibility in his kingdom. He held audience, primarily, not to be seen, but to see, admire, and delight in his subjects, to reward them and to bestow honors upon them.” – Moore, KWML

One of the functions of ancient kings was to bless those whom they led. As intermediaries between the gods and earth, the king had the power to bless his people so that they might prosper. In the Bible, we can read several accounts of the great patriarchs leaving a father’s blessing on their posterity before dying.

We often associate “blessing” with a religious act. While a man certainly accesses the King archetype by giving a father’s blessing to his children, just like Jacob and Isaac did, he can also bless others around him in other ways that aren’t necessarily religious.

Simply recognizing and honoring others for their achievements is a way we can bless others. As we get older, I think we take for granted the power that a kind word can have on a young person’s life. But think back on your own experience. Remember when you were a young man? How did you feel when an older person, especially a man you admired, gave you a compliment or went out of his way to recognize an achievement? If you were like me, it made you feel awesome. You might have stuck out your chest a bit more or walked with a spring in your step. You probably still remember exactly what they said to you. That’s the power of blessing in action. It uplifts and edifies others.

We can also bless others by becoming a mentor. We’ve talked about the importance of mentorship on the site many times before, but one of the reasons so many young men are struggling today is because they lack positive mentoring from older men. Moore argues that:

“Young men today are starving for blessing from older men, starving for blessing from the King energy. This is why they cannot, as we say, “get it together.” They shouldn’t have to. They need to be blessed. They need to be seen by the King, because if they are, something inside will come together for them. That is the effect of blessing; it heals and makes whole. That’s what happens when we are seen and valued and concretely rewarded for our legitimate talents and abilities.”

As we grow older, wiser, and more in touch with the King archetype, it is our responsibility as men to bless and assist younger men on their path to mature masculinity.

He leaves a legacy.

Kings throughout history were obsessed with legacy. In creating empires, building edifices, writing laws, and changing the culture, they sought to become immortal and to leave behind something that would remind subsequent generations of their lives and their greatness.

No matter the size of your principality, the desire to leave a legacy is a switch of manliness that cannot be ignored. Happily, creating a legacy need not involve the construction of great pyramids, but can come from any idea, business, tradition, relationship, or thought…anything that changes a person, the world, just a little and gets passed on, anything that lasts.

The Shadows of the King Archetype

The Tyrant

Unlike the King archetype which creates and blesses others, the Tyrant seeks to destroy and tear down. Plagued by narcissism, he really does think that he sits at the center of the universe. The Tyrant wrongly believes that power is finite; he has a scarcity mentality. He doesn’t understand the truth–that power and influence actually increase the more you share it with others. Thus the burden of maintaining his fragile illusion of absolute power makes him very insecure; any threat to his authority and supremacy enrages him and causes him to lash out with abuse–physically, emotionally, or mentally.

When the Tyrant isn’t viewing others as a threat and putting them in their place, he sees them as objects to exploit for his own gain; he is willing to push his friends, family, and employees under the bus in order to further his goals. We see the Tyrant manifest itself in this manner when businessmen or politicians further their own career at the expense of the people under their stewardship.

The Weakling

The Weakling is the passive shadow of the King archetype. Instead of taking control of his life and resolutely making decisions, a man possessed by the Weakling often abdicates his throne to others, handing over power, responsibility, and control of his life to them. This is the man who, though grown up, still lets his mother or father make his decisions for him. This is the man who kowtows to his boss’ or his wife’s every whim.

This is also the man who was abused in some way as a child, and when he becomes an adult and ascends into a position of power, relishes the opportunity to turn the tables and become the bully himself. “Now that I’m in charge, things are going to change around here!” But even in a position of power, the Weakling’s insecurity gets the best of him; he becomes paranoid that people are out to get him–and they often are because he’s such a jerk. This paranoia leads him to become even more controlling and cruel.

Moore believes that the Weakling and Tyrant shadows work in tandem with each other. It’s very rare that a man is ruled by one and not the other. Underneath every blustering Tyrant is a scared Weakling. And underneath every cowering Weakling is a Tyrant waiting to explode.

How to Access the King Archetype

The King seeks to integrate all the other archetypes and all good principles in order to reach his full potential–so that he may use this energy for a higher purpose and to bless the lives of others.

• Create more, consume less

• Leave a legacy

• Develop practical wisdom

• Become a mentor

• Find a mentor

• Establish your core values

• Develop the virtue of order

• Break away from your mother

• Develop a life plan

• Develop the traits of true leadership

• Protect the sanctity of your ideas

• Become decisive

• Avoid the corruption of money, power,and sex

• Live with integrity

Series Conclusion

This concludes our series on the archetypes of the mature masculine. I hope you got something out of the articles.

So how much credence and focus should you give to these archetypes? Well obviously their existence cannot be proven–only speculated about. And I do believe that the main focus of a man’s life should be on practical ways to take action. But pondering the more esoteric stuff is what guides you in determining what those actions should be. These archetypes represent one way–a very helpful way–of organizing those meditations and can lead you to a more productive exploration of who you are and what kind of man you want to become.

Related Posts

1. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: Introduction

2. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The Lover

3. The Four Archetypes of Mature Masculinity: The Boyhood Archetypes (Part I)

4. The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The Warrior

robertmoore-phd.comhttp://www.robertmoore-phd.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.display&page_id=33

There are four foundational archetypes of the mature masculine (as well as of the immature masculine). Each of these triangles - King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover - since they are interdependent aspects of the single masculine Self, fit together into a pyramidal form. The pyramid as it has appeared throughout the ages can be interpreted as a symbol for the masculine Self.

The Pyramidal Structure of the Mature Masculine Self

This idea parallels the "upward" direction of the Ego's individuation from a less integrated (profane) state to a fully integrated (sacred or "divine") state. A man's Ego must ascend the four faces of the stepped pyramid of the masculine Self, thereby overcoming the bipolar Shadow split at the base of each of the faces. The Ego must keep its eye on the capstone of the pyramid, which represents the fullest expression in an individual life of the four archetypes in perfect unity. This ascent of the Ego-consciousness, according to Jung, is always a matter of reconciling opposites and of integrating split psychic materials. As a man's Ego ascends through each of the triangular structures of the archetypes, he becomes more integrated and whole. And he is better and better able to access the archetypes in their fullness at the top of the pyramid.

The Archetypes of the Immature and Mature Masculine King Lover - Warrior Magician

On the King side, he integrates the Tyrant and the Weakling. On the Warrior face, he integrates the Sadist and the Masochist. On the Magician surface, he integrates the Detached Manipulator and the Denying "Innocent" One. On the Lover side, he integrates the Addicted Lover and the Impotent Lover.

Each of the poles of the split Shadows of the four major archetypes possesses insights and strengths that, when the Ego integrates them, contributes to a consolidated sense of Self. Each of the bipolar opposites, when united, reveals the "transcendent third" of the archetype in its fullness. By overcoming the splitness in the bipolar archetypal Shadows, a man comes to feel inwardly empowered. And in a sense, while he is building internal masculine structure he is also discovering the pyramid of the masculine Self, which has always been with him, at his core.

The Deep Structures of the Human Self Model of the complete bisexual Archetypal Self in octahedral form (the double-quaternio).

References
The Quartet of Books: The King Within, The Warrior Within, The Magician Within, The Lover Within.

     kwml.comhttp://kwml.com/contemplate/assembler.php?page=welcome

 

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While "birds of a feather flock together" in terms of shared values and beliefs, when it comes to lifelong relationships, opposites really do attract. Opposite personalities create a perfect, self-sustaining friendship—an effortless connection—because their opposite emotional and intellectual skills complement and complete each other. That's why the key to finding your soul mate and best friend for life (or even your perfect partner in business!) depends not only on you having a firm grasp on your own personality, but also the ability to identify your polar opposite—the best match for you. Don't waste another minute! Take this 15-question test to discover whether your personality reflects a King or Queen, Warrior, Magician, or Lover temperament. You'll not only learn about your self and the best match for you, you'll also discover a simple system for quickly analyzing the personality of any man or woman you meet, plus a profound way to predict the likely future of any relationship! Take the KWML Personality Test to find out now!   Learn more about KWML at womenshappiness.com (women) or menspsychology.com (men)

 

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